The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband and I took this pottery class tonight. It was so special to create something with my hands, you know.. the pieces did not have to be perfect or even close to it but to know I was getting my hands dirty and constructing something of use and uniquely mine... out of just a wet ball of clay. It was really nice and symbollic of my life right now.
I just feel so extremely happy and full of love. I came home and stood in my drive way for a moment and gazed up, could see so many stars, including Orion's belt.. and I just screamed (in my head) to my higher power how much I love Him/It/Her. I thought the best place to share my feelings was here since I am way more understood about this stuff. I feel like I have a key to the universe right now. I am allowed to open it... or it leads into my heart, maybe, same thing, either way. All I want to do is love... to send out these vibrating wave lengths of love to everything around me. I notice then when I do people react to me much differently. They smile at me more and talk to me more. Some people, however, get weird and withdraw from me if I am "overly" cheery or kind to them. but that is the thing.. healthy attracts healthy, love attracts love, happy attracts happy, just as misery loves company in this world so does a positive attitude become magnetic, it sucks others in like a black hole, which is good because next thing you know everyone is smiling.. even my cats seem to be smiling these days. So let it flow, I want the peace to come by feeling peace and love to come by sending out love.
Whenever I do some hard step work.... the days following are usually rough for some reason. I cry, I get very emotional, I stress even or I guess the best word is that I get overwhelmed. Perhaps its that shift in my soul or subconsious, that this is it, things are changing and I can feel it.. But every time I feel that tug, that rough patch comes over me. Every time I feel the growing pains.. Afterward I am stormed with these feelings of complete gratitude and respect for the power above me. I am full of this intense unconditional love for my husband, my parents, my brothers, my co-workers, my best friend, and even strangers I pass on the road. I feel so blessed to have found what I have found.
"let deeds not words be your adorning." This is what I work on.. to step aside, let my ego hit the back burner.. and allow my higher power to use me as an instrument of love and peace.. this is no new concept.. just completely new to me.. Never did I ever dream it was possible to pray for peace, for serenity, for character defects to sudue and for love to fill me, in between every bone of me... into my being... and have it actually HAPPEN!! I am a walking, talking miracle.
I know this too shall pass.. I can't stay this happy and light as a feather forever.. but I can enjoy this moment rather than worry about the future... just for today.. for this moment I can just let myself feel it all.
-- Edited by Michelle814 on Saturday 14th of April 2012 11:35:23 AM
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Thank you for this so much. I have been having a rough spell.
"Whenever I do some hard step work.... the days following are usually rough for some reason. I cry, I get very emotional, I stress even or I guess the best word is that I get overwhelmed."
Me too.
I am trying to remember that I am giving birth to a new life for myself...and labor is, well, hard! Today I may be weepy and stressed, but those peaceful feelings will return and all will be right soon again.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
That sounds like fun, Michele! I was just sitting at my kitchen table doing a paint by numbers and my 13 year old son came over to join me. It was a nice quiet time for us as we talked about blending our colors and whether we could stay in between the lines. I cherish these times. It's too bad that my AH was sitting on the couch not 10 feet from us and didn't speak to us or engage us about what we were doing. Just sat there flipping through the channels. I appreciate everything you shared today! Thank you!
"I know this too shall pass.. I can't stay this happy and light as a feather forever.. but I can enjoy this moment rather than worry about the future... just for today.. for this moment I can just let myself feel it all."
