The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I heard a popular preacher last night (Joyce Meyer, she was great!) and a phrase during someone's testimony stuck with me. This particular lady said she was a former drug addict and just had a really unforunate life, a victim of sexual assaults, abortions after being raped, etc, just really sad stuff.... but as she turned her life over to her HP, she could see that HP had given her "the gift of desperation."
What she meant was that, had her life not been so tragic and full of pain, she would have not had the motivation to look for a solution to her problems outside of drugs and alcohol and the other ways she avoided living life. She had to be beaten down to a nub in order for all her illusions about being in control to fall away.
Oh, how I relate to this! I was on my knees and crippled from the pain of living with an active and abusive alcoholic when I finally opened up to my HP. I was so desperate for a solution to the absolute mess my life was, that I was more than willing to accept the truth, that I was completely powerless over alcohol and the cycle of abuse.
If it had just been a little painful or slightly uncomfortable, my pride and ego would still be confident *I* alone could find a way to fix everything.
And I thought, by leaving my AH, I am giving him the gift of desperation. Maybe he will find his way with the help of AA, maybe not. But I don't leave him in anger or resentment...no...I leave him with this gift.
Just a share this morning that was on my heart.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Great share, Dolly! I needed to read your post today- very timely as I filed to divorce from my AH today. I, too, leave him with a gift that I hope he will take.
Gift of Desperation is also and acronym for GOD. It was a spiritual moment when I had that gift because it is when I had nowhere else to turn but recovery and I started working a program with no reservations. I know for me, I felt so desperate when I came into recovery 3 and a half years ago. I was physically, spiritually, and emotionally bankrupt to the fullest degree. While that is a horrible place to be, it's a gift because it's the perfect place to start with the 12 steps.
Mark Loved the "Gift of Desperation" = GOD" share. I too was on my knees with no where else to go when I walked into to the rooms of alanon.
I immediately felt the power and knew I was home. The road was difficult and . I often did not appreciate the "Painful Gift" however HP walked with me thru it all and the courage, serenity and wisdom I achieved was priceless.
Such a good message and I hadn't heard it before so thank you - but it rings true. The day I walked away from insanity (January 2007) I too had reached desperation. And looking back I see it as a gift, it brought me back my life, it was either keep living with insanity, or change something.
I've got one of her books, I need to finish it. I like what I'm hearing!
