question - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

question

I am lost · Member

Will I KNOW, really KNOW when it's time to leave my AH? Will something come over me and I will just know? An epiphany maybe?

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I believe you hold the answers for your life within yourself. It took me a long time in Al-anon to listen, feel, trust and act from within myself with HP guiding me all the way! With Al-anon face to face meetings and MIP for a support system, I really think you will find these answers. This program works when you work it! I am sending you much love and support!

Wolfie55 · Senior Member

Well all I can say to that is if you try to help yourself by going to some meetings, you'll have a better chance at serenity then you will if you don't go. So, welcome aboard.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hon every one is different. Everyone is correct, Al Anon will help you to go on your path with the information you need.

Plus we give all kinds of support here.

For me and my family, when we are done, we are done. There is no question about it. We make a decision and we are sure. But not everyone is like that.

Some people leave or stop the relationship and go back many times before they are really ready.

To educate yourself, will honestly make the whole journey much less stressful.

hugs,debilyn

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

For me, I questioned for years...but I could not fathom the idea of divorce. Then I came home and found him passed out on the couch -- 1 day before I had to leave for a few days for an important meeting in D.C. I had to make all these childcare arrangements...and in that moment...I knew what was right. I asked him to leave. I waited for him to get better for 28 years. I had to stop the bleeding.

That's how it was for me.

david62 · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with all the others replies. In my own case, my HP did for me what I could not do for myself, my significant other initiated the process that I for so long could not choose.

Having faith can carry us far while we wait for the answer to our toughest questions.

I once heard a speaker tell about a prayer he said every morning while trying to decide about the very question you ask. His prayer went something like this:

"God if it be your will today that I know whether I should stay in this marriage or leave this marriage, let me know. If it be your will that for today I not know the answer, then leave me not knowing".

I love that prayer and use it to this day for many situations.

Welcome to Al-Anon and MIP.

Yours in Recovery,

David

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

That one will likely come in a spiritual moment of clarity - that will be one of those Higher Power moments. The alanon meetings can better prepare you for whatever choice lies down the road. You don't have to decide today.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome , if your not already please find meetings for yourself you too need to recover from the effects of someone else's drinking . In program we stronly suggest to give this program a chance for at least 6 months before making any life altering decissions . In 6 months you will know if its time to go or IT's okay to stay right where you are . Louise

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

decisions have seemed to just come to me the more I have let go and given my "control" over things I actually had no control at all.. over to my higher power.. the more life has fallen into place for me.. in my case, however, I chose to stay with my AH at this time, to love him unconditionally, to take life one day at a time, to limit my expectations but increase my boundaries, to thrive on hope and encourage him, and in doing so I help myself. My AH is currently going on five months of sobriety in AA. I am happy for him but more importantly for me.. I am going on seven months in al-anon and life has never been more full or exciting.. I just got done with a pottery class tonight.. it was so fun, who would have thunk that. I am learning and growing and using my talents and uniqueness to be me!!!

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

I remember asking this EXACT question to my sponsor in November.. and she said "how bout, just for today, your decision is to make no decision and you come to another al-anon meeting with me." I'm glad I took that advice and did not run to divorce court.. I would have ended up with another alcoholic/addict down the road anyway because I was not well and I needed a program of recovery for me. No one knows what is best for you or what will happen down the road but your higher power. For today, just keep coming back, it gets easier.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Welcome! The great thing about finding Alanon is that no one advises you to stay or go. Time in the program and experience working the program will bring answers. Allthough we share similiar stories, each person ultimately decides what's best for their own well being and happiness. You have a chance at your own recovery (Alanon) Many of us feel our lives have changed for the better because of a new understanding of alcoholism and our relationships. I hope you find a great in person Alanon meeting and you keep coming back here to share with us too. Hugs! TT

-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 14th of April 2012 09:45:56 AM

living for me · Member

For me I just knew. I'd reached my point and said "I can't do this, I need a break. Not saying I'll need a break forever as in divorce but I need to get away and think." It all became too much. Al Anon has helped me tremendouly with this and all of the kind people on these message boards. Listening to everyone's stories and advice for me and others has been validating and healing. I also highly, highly recommend the book "Getting them Sober." That book really empowered me to help me make the decision that I needed to make but was putting off.

Auntyaya · Senior Member

I thought I was leaving "temporarily".. thinking that things might improve if we had a break. As I was driving away the thought came to me that" I never have to live with him again" and a feeling of peace washed over me. It was just unreal...and I never lived with him again! Trust yourself...you will know if and when it is right.....

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