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Im new here and I really just need someone to talk too. Here is my background. My father is an alcoholic although my parents divorced since I was 3 (29 yrs ago). My father was also really bad into drugs (crack/cocain). When they divorced my mother, brother and I got a place with my mom's new bf who was also an alcoholic. They were together for 8 yrs and split when I was 11. Now I am 32 and married to an alcoholic. I can't believe that I was stupid enough to do this to myself. When I try to talk to my AH about him stopping drinking he says "I was this way when you married me", and he is so right. I loved to have some drinks and relax as well. However, we have a son together now who is almost a year old. I also have a 13 year old from a previous relationship. Since giving birth to my son I have changed dramatically. My AH has not. He feels that since he provides financially and goes to work everyday that he should be able to drink whenever he wants and as much as he pleases. He makes me feel like im nothing, I can't do much of anything right. I feel as if I am just a floater in life. Days go bye, I feel as if I don't even have a purpose anymore. Anyway, I am at the point now that I am trying to build myself up again and to get in a spot where I feel mentally able to make the right decision on staying and dealing with the drunkiness or leave. He has made it clear that his drinking comes before his family so that's that. Some would probably think that I am crazy for not leaving just knowing that. Maybe they are right!!!! Any advise would be appriciated.
I am lost, first off I want to say WELCOME and second I want to tell you that you are very very very important in this world, everyone is. I don't know what your beliefs are, spiritually, but I will tell you that I believe you have a higher power, whatever that is to you.. but I believe your higher power loves you so much, so so much more than any human is possibly able to love you. To this power greater than you .. you are so important and you are a puzzle piece in the universe. Without you the puzzle can't be complete. That love your higher power has for you, may reflect from your child to you.. and to that child you are very very very important too.
Okay, now about the alcoholic.. its a disease, a progressive one, and an inclusive one.. meaning it only gets worse if the disease is fed (the alcoholic keeps drinking and does not seek recovery) and it effects the entire family unit. I can see now the sneaky sick little web alcoholism has webbed throughout my entire family. But I can LET IT BEGIN WITH ME and change the patterns. There is good news!! You can help you.. and in the process help your child and possibly the alcoholic.. but definitely you and your child just by coming to al-anon. You ended up marrying an alcoholic.. guess what? so did i!!! hahahah. I can see why I did, now, its all I knew.
I so hope you keep coming around; read, post.. and I highly HIGHLY recommend you get to a face to face meeting. Al-Anon literally saved my life and sanity and it can do the same for you. You are okay, you are loved, and your are important.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
You have already made a good move by coming here. You will learn so much that is going to help you make better decisions for YOU. Read up and learn all that you can. Welcome!
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
your story sounds very familiar. you don't sound crazy, actually quite normal to me. I suggest you attend some meetings of Al-Anon, here, or face to face in they have them in your area. nice to have you here.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.
Thank you all so much for your support. I am definately planning on attending al-anon very soon. I know they have meetings in my area. My mom use to attend as well as my neighbor and al-anon changed their lives. My neighbor is always giving me advise. Telling me that it's a disease and that the alcoholic is sick. Well I guess I'm just way too angry to accept that right now. I'm sure it will be much easier to accept when I attend the meetings. Thank you all again. GOD IS GREAT and I just need to "LET GO AND LET GOD".
I am so glad you found us here at MIP! God is great! There is a book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews that helped me so much in my early program. I can relate to your share, I remember thinking that life was a string of days to be merely survived, but with Al-anon all that has really changed. I hope you can get to meetings and dive in. You are so worth it! Thanks for posting and please keep us updated! Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
You are right attending Al-anon meetings will help with the anger. You will learn a better way. Al-anon has helped me in so many ways. Most importantly, I'm a better mom. You are worth it.
You are not crazy. You sound like you are wrestling with some awful and confusing choices. Also, you were not "stupid" for getting into the relationship. You did not forsee this and hindsight is 20/20 as they say. Alanon meetings would be a great service to you in finding support from other's who are in or have been in your shoes and also for finding some spiritual solace while you make decisions that are pretty difficult.
Hello, Lost. It is wonderful that you have found Al-anon! We are all just like you, you are not alone. I know when I first started going to mtgs, it was really hard. I had to drag myself there and then mostly stare at my feet and listen. But that was o.k. It helped me to go with someone. So why not ask your mom and neighbor to go to a mtg with you? It certainly couldn't hurt them? I also recommend reading literature..lots and lots of literature. My favorite is Courage to Change, helps me to do daily readings. So, welcome to YOUR recovery!
He feels that since he provides financially and goes to work everyday that he should be able to drink whenever he wants and as much as he pleases. He makes me feel like im nothing, I can't do much of anything right. I feel as if I am just a floater in life. Days go bye, I feel as if I don't even have a purpose anymore. Anyway, I am at the point now that I am trying to build myself up again and to get in a spot where I feel mentally able to make the right decision on staying and dealing with the drunkiness or leave. He has made it clear that his drinking comes before his family so that's that. Some would probably think that I am crazy for not leaving just knowing that. Maybe they are right!!!! Any advise would be appriciated.