The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We've been married 28 years. Mostly good; some not as much as others. He's always drank. I guess hindsight, was a functioning alcoholic. He's been ill for five years with chronic anemia. Until 2 weeks ago, his liver was always considered OK with just elevated enzymes from time to time. Now they say he has cirrhosis and liver barely functioning. Made it through a week of ICU and on a ventilator. He's miserable. The doctors state emphatically, no more alcohol. I try and lesson just how much he drinks and they look at me with pity. He still has a long recovery ahead, with rehab. The rehab is physcial; to regain his mobility. Now I see it's emotional too; for drinking.
How do you accept what is going on and no longer enable his obession? How can you forgive the one you love most, if they decide the bottle is more important than his life?
Hi Mamma Mac- welcome to Miracles in Progress. I've been married for 30 years and my AH continues to drink even though he has uncontrolled diabetes and almost lost his legs two years ago due to poor circulation in his lower legs (caused by the diabetes and his drinking). Today, he still drinks and continues to choose alcohol over his health and his family.
Please consider attending an Al-Anon meeting in your area. That's what saved me when our family's life started to crumble due my AH's alcohol abuse.
He's may or may not continue to drink, what are you going to do???
Welcome to MIP. Hope you find your own miracle here. In my own experience, I found I had to realize what was and what was not my responsibility. Although I loved them and wanted them to be ok, my attempts to control or limit what they did simply did not work. certainly you could suggest AA or some other form of abstinence to your partner and see what he does with your suggestion but the main focus should be on you and what you will do or how you will handle life with him whether he stops drinking or nor. So, yes I would suggest getting to some meetings whether face to face or online. the only real difference between the two is format.
you have my love and support always.
Bernie
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.
Hi, I had been married for 29 yrs. when I finally was confronted with his alcoholism. I could no longer ignore it and live AROUND it. I started to go to AlAnon meetings. It saved my sanity. I had 4 children that I also raised in his alcoholism. He was a very functional alcoholic. He made a good living and we had a nice home. Not a home that the kids wanted to bring their friends to though. And last month we just had our 41st wedding anniversary.
I read your posting and it is all about him....his health, his life... not yours. That will slowly change when you get into AlAnon. You will learn that you didn't cause him to drink and you can't cause him to not drink. You can't control him and you can't cure him. You will get on with your life. AlAnon will teach you the value of your life. Please read all you can on this web site and try to find AlAnon meetings in your area.
I think the way I find forgiveness is in stages. First is not to obsess about it. That's pretty hard when you are in the thick of things. Second to detach, third to work on gratefulness.
I do truly do understand exactly how you feel . I walked this painful road with a husband and just recently with my only son. I know when I finally accepted that alcoholism was a progress disease over which the alcoholic and myself were powerless, I could then let go of my anger and reach compassion.
I am glad that your hubby is being treated in a medical facility and would like to suggest that you check out the alanon meetings in your community so that you too can receive support and understanding as you recover from the effects of living with this disease. Help in finding meetings can be found by going to the following link:
As hotrod already shared, forgiveness comes with understanding of the disease.
But I'd also like to add, that I rarely get all knotted up over what others do anymore (non-alcoholics) because I've come to see that people are doing the best they can.
Al-Anon helped me a lot in the beginning especially. Hopefully, you will give it a try. Go with an open mind and a willingness to listen without judgment.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I am glad you found us. I believe Al-anon face to face meetings and coming here can help you deal with what you are facing. Keep coming back! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
