The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I first dragged my miserable carcass to Al-anon face to face meetings and MIP I had no idea how great life could be. I was a sad and broken. I grew up with alcoholism/addictions in my home and some major dysfunctions that come along with that.
When I was a teen I had gotten a butterfly tattoo and a few years later I covered my exAH's name with a caterpillar tattoo, all before I found Al-anon and not knowing how important it would become to my recovery later on in my adult life. I love the book by Trina Paulus "Hope for the Flowers". So I use it as an analogy often.
I was always in a hurry and reacting. I blamed everyone for everything and stayed in my victimized, drama filled life. I saw another way of living and wanted it, but was honestly clueless as how to get there. I was getting in my way. I was covered in dysfunction and only attracted to emotionally unavailable dysfunctional men.
I had my first daughter when I was 19 years old and thought somehow when I had her that now someone would love me the way I wanted to be loved. I was lost and sick and spiraling. Fastforward to now, I am 33 and been working my program for over a year and am on step 11 with my sponsor. I have read anything Al-anon I could get my hands on and I have watched the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" literally 100 times in the last year.
I have a 14 year old beautiful daughter and an almost 4 year old with my exAH and life is good! I am self reliant for the first time ever, standing on my own 2 feet and am moving to a new town in 2 months and am actually excited for it. I am well thought out and stable and focused. I will no longer be in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship. I will not put up with unacceptable behaviors. I am so much better for this program. I know although my future job, house, school and other things are uncertain I will be good and happy. I have acceptance, love and compassion for myself as well as others. I am not perfect, but progressing in this life and am who I was meant to be.
I slip sometimes, but I am not holding myself up to perfectionist standards any longer and am okay with my humanness, after all that is what I am. I am no longer living in a fantasy world. I am in the now and dug out and looked at my past and no longer need to live there.
I really and finally feel like I have come out of my chrysalis and made the change from caterpillar to butterfly! I am about to take off and fly out into the new world with a new body, mind and spirit! My HP(God) is in control and I am just trying to enjoy the flight.
I am sending you all love and support on your journey's! I hope you all know that through this recovery journey as you work it and struggle through finding yourselves and answers to your life, that it is all so well worth it and it is a beautiful legacy to pass onto your children rather than the dysfunctional ways of old.
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Wednesday 11th of April 2012 07:47:23 PM
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Many times I hear people saying that with the passage of time, things get better. Your post reminds me of what I believe: it's not just the passing of time that makes a difference, but what one did during the time that passed.
You just didn't kick back and hope that things would get better. You got busy and worked. You continue to work and realize that you'll always be a work in progress.
May your post (s) inspire others to get to work.
Excellent job
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Wednesday 11th of April 2012 06:20:09 PM
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
"Isn't it amazing that such a beautify and fragile thing can fly even in the strongest of winds and still reach it's destination"... a comment from an Al-Anon member I heard maybe 25 years ago or such. Truely amazing. Love the picture that comes to my mind as I review it. (((((hugs)))))
ps. even your dog looks like she's watching you fly around up there. lol
Thank you so much for that beautiful share!!! Love seeing your program at work!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hence the saying "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly." I like how you put an example to exactly how this happened for you.
