The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Glad you found us. I am also so glad to hear you are looking for a Al-anon face to face home group. This program has saved my life and I encourage anyone dealing with alcoholism to dive in and read all the Al-anon literature you can. The book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews was very helpful for me. I am also a ACOA and the longer I am working my program with my sponsor the more I feel like I let go and move on from the little girl in me with the very dysfunctional past. I now live in the now with my HP leading the way. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Wednesday 11th of April 2012 12:34:40 PM
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Aloha Veeeyloova and welcome from the Pacific side of MIP. I'm smiling that you have your awarenesses and program...Yay cause with continued practice of it all the miracle will happen and what did I learn of the miracle? When I "practice these principles in all my affairs" there isn't much that can take me down without my permission and participation. I also have those "cheating on me" experiences with the same consequences of "she screws up and I feel hurt". Then I learned that "Absolutely nothing has the power to destroy my peace of mind and serenity unless I allow it." When I got over the intitial reaction of "that's so crazy" and went to work on the idea, suggestion and self awareness I arrived at "Oh Yay its not all about me. She's not drinking and using and having affairs just to hurt me. Shes drinking, using and having affairs because that is what comes with alcoholism and addiction...What is my part in it?" If she doesn't including me in the plans about what she's doing or going to do it is none of my business no matter how I fantasize about the marriage I "supposed" to have. Fantasy isn't reality...reality is what I have not what I want to have.
Sorry and sad with you about the pain you're experiencing...make it temporay. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 11th of April 2012 12:41:43 PM
My name is Kristina and I am new here. I am the adult child of an alcoholic, emotionally abused and neglected as a child. Been through AA/Alateen programs with both my father's addiction, and a sister who had a cocaine problem. Lots of different therapies through my life, and I'm finding myself in a place where I need huge amounts of support.
I found out my husband cheated on my the same day I found out my mom has terminal cancer. January 30, 2012 began my personal hell.
The situation with my husband is really what prompts me to be here. I've been enabling his behavior for years, since we met really. It's a long story, but he has a sex/relationship addiction, is totally emotionally unavailable to me (by choice, he wasn't always) and is now totally out of control by his own admission. I'm trying hard to focus on myself and our kids, and to not have expectations of him that he can't live up to, but I am in so much pain.
The neglect that I experienced as a child and now the neglect experienced by my husband are really hurting me. As I become aware of how our relationship has deteriorated, the more I hurt as the little girl inside of me reminds me that I am fundamentally unlovable and unworthy, so of course he's rejecting me. I know logically that this isn't true; I have a good enough support structure in place to know that I have value, but it's still a battle every day to not break down and lose it. The emotional stress of dealing with both situations is wearing me thin, and makes it hard to have the strength that I need to work through the crap in my head.
Anyway, there's a brief synopsis. I hope that to meet some people here who can help.
I am so sorry that you are suffering! I am an ACOA, too, and my younger sister is currently separated from her husband who is a sex/relationship addict. My husband is an alcoholic. Anyway, her husband is currently living with one girlfriend because my sister told him he could not keep his affairs going anymore while living under their roof with their 2 young children. He moved out that night. He is currently in denial, though, and thinks what he's doing is normal. My sister is suffering physically from all the stress he's creating, she's lost 15 pounds since December. She is having trouble actually eating food and can't swallow. Her esophagus spasms and she has an anxiety attack every time she tries to eat. She runs a daycare out of their home and has 2 young children of her own to care for. They are currently separated but can't afford divorce as they are filing for bankruptcy, too. He is an extravagant spender and put thousands of things on credit cards that they couldn't afford. Our dad was the alcoholic in our lives and he died in December, after taking a turn for the worse in October. His death has been extra hard on my sister because she is riddled with guilt over how she never forgave my dad and how she shut him out over the past year.
2 months after my dad died, my AH was bingeing and losing control more frequently with his drinking and finally got a DUI in February. It was also in February that my sister found out about her husband's new girlfriend. I am sharing our stories so that you know that you are not alone. I, too, understand the hurt and feeling like that little girl again. My dad's passing didn't make it any easier since he was the main qualifier in our lives.
It's ok to break down. Sometimes we need to lose it so that we can put it all back together again. My emotions have been worn thin since December, too. You have the strength. Have you gone back to meetings at all? It sounds like you have a good support network but you just needed to get some things off your chest and came here. We're here for you. Keep coming back! Sending you lots of support this week!
thanks for the reply! And thanks for sharing. It helps to know that I'm not alone. I have gone to one meeting and am in active therapy. Looking for 'my' group, so intending to do the 6 different before choosing. I don't have a lot of time, and am working on making it a priority to choose a meeting. I'm so glad that I found this forum! I can post whenever I need to! Excellent stuff.
