The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We are just back from Easter weekend at my wife's parents. Definitely a challenging week or so and I'd like to just write some stuff down to get it out.
Just before we left for our trip, I had a very difficult meeting at work with my bosses' bosses' boss. Yikes. Not only was I told that I wasn't doing a good job, it became personal as my boss told me that after the meeting she pulled him aside and told him she didn't think I was showing enough enthusiasm. I tried to apply as many Al Anon-isms to he situation but nothing really helped and I felt like garbage.
But our trip arrived and I was looking forward to it. It's a very long drive and despite some bad traffic the kids did great. On Easter Sunday, my wife invited me to attend the local AA meeting with her and I gladly accepted. I have gone to this meeting once before with her and found it to be a great experience. This meeting was no exception and I walked out feeling great and very spiritually connected on a very spiritual day. I was surprised when my wife was one of 5 or 6 people who came up to get a "one day at a time" coin, offered to those who were feeling the urge to drink. But I didn't focus on it too much. After the meeting was church and an Easter egg hunt for the kids and all in all, it was a good day.
The next day brought a challenge as my wife was out alone for longer than any of us expected in the afternoon. She came home and seemed ok; not necessarily sober, but not necessarily impaired. After the kids were put to bed, we all sat to watch a movie--my wife and her folks and me. About 10 minutes into the movie, my wife sat up and said she couldn't catch her breath. She wasn't panicked or anything but I could tell something wasn't right. She ultimately went upstairs and I checked on her after 15 minutes or so and was surprised to find her in a deep sleep.
I felt very uncomfortable with what had transpired and thought there must be an explanation. I felt justified in going through her purse to try and find something. Maybe I'm kidding myself but my motivation was her own safety. I had never seen my wife like that and wanted to make sure she wasn't abusing something other than alcohol. I did find one of her mother's Lortabs. It raised a whole new set of questions and concerns. And ultimately led to me taking a big step back--a mostly quiet trip home today and a steady cold shoulder from me to her.
Sorry for the long post, just had to get that all out! Thanks for letting me share.
Be easy on yourself my friend. Thanks for the share, sending love and support to you.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Be very easy on yourself. I've been where you are, and yes, I did check to see what may be impairing the hubby. I did feel guilty until a very wise AlAnon buddy reminded me that my life also had to be protected FROM whatever the "sober" hubby may be doing. Well, it turned out that since the cancer (5 yr. survivor this week- YEA!) his best friend has turned into Valium (alcohol in pill form). And I do check the dates on the bottle to know if he has been using them and regularly getting the Rx refilled. Yes, he has. And I found Ambien and occasionally Flexeril and some Codeine #3. I was quite surprised. I knew he used these during the days after his cancer recovery, but now, apparently he has enough owies to need them regularly....oh, and he got the Rx's from different docs and filled at different pharmacies... so it is harder to follow his course.
But I need to take care of me and part of that is knowing when he is impaired and when I can trust him. There is money involved and my emotional serenity and the rest of the family. He is a good actor but now I know that a lot of it is an act. He is still impaired.
