The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Please help me. Been in the program for three months and I can barely hold on. I don't know how to move on. I just keep getting hit with one crisis after another which I have no control over. I doubt Gods plan for me is working. My father is dying and I don't know how much more I can take. I have no one to turn to. My meetings are not helping. How can I go to a meeting looking like a crazy person crying.
For what it's worth, I have cried like a "crazy person" at many meetings. No one judged me but they did offer compassion.
You do have your Higher Power to turn to and God's plan is the only thing that works, in my experience. We are here for you, as well. You are not alone.
Maybe you struggle with moving on because it is not time for you to do that just yet? It's probably impossible to "hold on" and "move on" at the same time. One day at a time...remember the Serenity Prayer. No, you don't have control over crisis, but you do have control over how to act in response to them. Let yourself grieve what you need to grieve.
When I am overwhelmed with crisis, I try and remember what I have to be grateful for. Somedays it is a struggle to think of one or two things. But at least we all have an internet connection and the ability to type our feelings and reach out to others.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I agree, .. go to the meetings as it is often said here .. what other people think of me is none of my business. Your business is the business of getting better and doing what you need to do to focus on your own recovery.
Feelings aren't facts and something that I have to constantly remind myself of is the fact I only need feel my feelings to move past them and not remain stuck in them. I know that it's going to pass ... someone shared recently .. possibly like a kidney stone however they will pass. It's more important to process rather than stuff what I am feeling though. Be gentle with yourself and stop beating yourself up for being human.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
What better place to be a crying mess than a meeting? Nobody is going to judge you there. Is it better to cry all by yourself? Not really. One of the main points of the program is to ask for help when you need it. Allow yourself to be consoled and supported by others in meetings.
The program also does not take your hardships away. It makes you better at dealing with them. I am so sorry to hear about you father, but you know things like that are a part of life. It sucks. It sucks bad. But you will get through it if you stick close to the program. Don't think that the program isn't working because bad stuff is happening to you. Take a step back and look at how you are handling things and that will be a better marker of your growth.
As far as not knowing how to move on - None of us know how to handle certain major life events like parents dying or divorce. There is no "perfect way" to move forward and handle these things. Break it down in to this day or even this moment. You ARE handling things. It sucks that when we are at the roughest spots in our lives, it feels like time is standing still and we will never get to the other side. Eventually, I promise things will calm down and it will happen even quicker and more painlessly if you stick with the program.
Keep coming back to these boards because we love you. Those first 3 steps of the 12 are the hardest and yet, they bring miracles if you work them. Let Go and Let your HP carry you. Meanwhile, you just do the next right thing for you.
I have a friend. she cried for the first year. and no one judged her. Even a tough old guy like me sometimes cries in meetings. and no one has ever judged me. not for crying anyway. Cry all you want. We got lots of tissue. Help yourself.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.
