Husband in detox - Al-Anon Family Group

michellelong · Veteran Member

Husband in detox

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Michelle)))

I am so sorrry that this disease is presenting such difficult problems and glad that your husband is in a detox and receiving care.

Any detox that I have been involved with (and that is over 10) have had a social worker assigned to the patient to determine follow up care .

Rehab means that the patient will live with other recovering people . It is possible that when he rejected Oxford house and AA the intake person thought your husband did not want to go to rehab.

I do believe that after a day or two of detox- he will be approached again to determine the next coarse of action. The decision is up to him.

Take care of you, rest, get to meetings and keep sharing here. In my thoughts

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Michelle - all models of treatment are going to involve him living with other addicts and alcoholics. Furthermore, as long as he thinks he is too good for AA or NA, the odds are he will relapse due to not taking suggestions ("I am not like those people so I don't have to listen"). A big part of the problem that Alcoholics have is that they think the world is always going to conform to them and that their problems are so unique and different that they have to drink and drug just to get by. Some of the biggest parts of recovery are learning to be quiet, listen, stop thinking you know everything, and to FOLLOW DIRECTIONS (I'm speaking more towards recovery for alcoholics than alanon - though I think those things follow to some degree in alanon as well).

Your husband has strong reservations about recovery if he "wont do this" and "wont do that." Why should they waste a rehab bed on someone with so many demands when there might be someone actually WILLING to do what they tell them and really achieve sobriety? Anyone who is saying "I won't do this!" might as well be saying "I won't get sober!"

Sounds harsh. Yes. I know, but this is how the recovery mentality is and this is how it works. It is not until the alcoholic/addict is willing to go to ANY LENGTHS to be sober, that true sobriety will occur. If your husband has so many reservations about doing what is needed to do to get sober, some folks (even people in AA and recovery specialists) will tell him to go back out there and come back when he is ready. Recovery doesn't cater to alcoholics and addicts - Alcoholics and addicts change in order to have recovery. If he went to rehab now with as many reservations as you describe - He would check himself out in 5 minutes and it would be a huge waste of time and money.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sorry you are dealing with this situation. I am sending you love and support!

AStrongerMe · ~*Service Worker*~

My only experience is that detox is just the process of getting the drugs/alcohol safely out of the system. The rehab comes after. I don't know myself if there are combinations but when my ABF self admitted to detox, after his 3 day detox he met with a counselor or social worker and arranged to enter rehab.

The process is pretty brutal. Have hope but remember the 3 C's. Hugs.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Michelle))))) this post reminds me soooo much of myself when I first found Al-Anon. I was also critiqueing what and how things should be done while my alcoholic/addict wife was declaring "No" and running away and drinking and using only God knows what and how much. So HP gets me into Al-Anon and I hear in the meeting "don't talk about the disease and what to do because you don't know anything about it". I did a knee jerk reaction to that but then my ego and pride was soooo wasted by that time the only real thing I could do was "sit down, listen, learn and practice". It didn't take me very long to agree...I knew nothing about alcoholism and didn't even know that I didn't know.

What was astounding to me was that after a time in recovery myself I was the one that relapsed into old non-working controling and manipulating behaviors when my so to be ex-addict who I had been separated from for a while called me and invited me out on a date...I was so elated and went. She of course got very drunk and fell and hit her head and got a concussion. What did I do with this injury that should have required emergency care and maybe hospitalization? I took her home of course and considered healing her myself. Astounding considering that I thought I had the behavior of "Admitted I was powerless..." down pat.

I eventually went on to a higher level of detachment work and practice and she and her higher power found a rehab. Then with me out of the way...she got sober. ((((hugs)))) smile

Wolfie55 · Senior Member

Thanks for sharing Michelle. While Al-Anon certainly has no professional class of counselors, there are lots of us in 12-step programs who work in the field of alcoholism and drug addiction. Matter of fact, that's what I do for a living. While detoxing from alcohol only takes 3 to 5 days, detoxing from cocaine use can take 5 to 14 days depending on the amount taken, the frequency of use, etc. And as has already been said, your AH may have quite a different opinion in 5 days from the one he has now. Perhaps he wants to be "rescued" and might want to lounge around some relative or close friend's place as an alternative to rehab so that he can have access to his drugs of choice when he's ready to relapse. And I don't know i he's ready to relapse? but judging from his refusal to be involved in any form of aftercare, he doesn't seem ready to stop yet. And his addictive thinking is already planning his next run. The detox might help put things in perspective for him. He might reconsider his choices. Our detox centers have AA meetings that groups come in and put on for the benefit of clients. Maybe he'll go to one, hear something he needs to hear. And maybe not. There are so many variables. I know it doesn't ease your worrying any, but every time an alcoholic or addict reaches out there is always the chance a seed will get planted and maybe if its not this time maybe it will be the next time. I certainly commend you for your love and tolerance of your AH.

Just make sure you get to lots of meetings and do all the things you need to do and we'll all be here if you need us. :)

michellelong · Veteran Member

Thank you all for your thoughts and wisdom in this matter, this is the first time in our 7 years together that e=he actually asked for help. They are keeping him at the detox center 6 days, their assessment with outpatient clinical care follow up which he has agreed to. They let me speak to him yersterday and are allowing me to visit this morning. He will be coming home after all is said and done.
Initially 2 months ago I had just had enough and asked for a seperation, he moved in with a "friend" who basically is in the same place as he is/was and that is when the everyday all day usage began. "I'm single now so I'll do what I want" I just seperated myself from his world as much as I could.
I am thinking of myself and the consequences of having him return home after the detox, but I am also thinking that there is NO and never has been alcohol or drugs in this house. I pray to my HP every day and night that once he is out he will follow through with the outpatient clinic, I think am actually going to make an appointment to sit with someone there myself as it is a mental health clinic as well.
I am fully aware that he may relapse if that is what he chooses to do and I am prepared (somewhat) if he does.
Umfortunately there are no family or friends he can stay with to stay on the right path as everyone and I mean everyone including his parents drink. I know I cannot take this burden on my shoulders alone but feel that as long as he is willing to make the change "home" will be the safest option for him.....I know alot of you must be cringing reading that last line because I am trying to take care of him again and not me!
My detatchment in a sense will still be there and through this I will be getting help for myself, and if he does choose to relapse I know what I have to do.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Again Michelle

Glad that your hubby is being offered follow-up care and is receptive. I urge you to seek alanon face to face meetings in your community.

The benefit physically, mentally and spiritually that I obtained from attending alanon face to face meetings was invaluable.

Breaking the isolation caused by living with this disease, connecting with others who understand as few others can, gave me the hope and tools to continue to grow and change as is required in order to survive this disease.

Meetings in your community can be found by going to the following link:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Wolfie55 · Senior Member

Well, things are already getting better. Thanks for the update.

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