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I am moving forward.. but man, I am emotionally exhausted. All the meditation is starting to wear me out. I don't think I can handle the spiritual overload. I came from no faith so this is all new. My soul if probably happy but my brain hurts.
I asked my husband if he was high tonight. Why did I do that? I know I am powerless. I know he will lie even if he is and I know, that quite frankly, its not my business, either way. I have hope he is just tired. I have hope but I also know that it just is. it just is, whatever it is.. either he will or he won't.. what am I going to do. It is not a personal reflection on me. I know who I am and where I stand. then HALT. Hungry? no, angry? sort of. Lonely? no, I love my time alone. Tired? YES!!!
I just need a good night's rest. Thanks for listening.
Goodnight.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I agree, keeping the focus on ourselves, praying, trusting HP , taking the next right action, all require a tremendous discipline
You are doing great. You just did a 10th Step . I hope you have a great rest and tomorrow begin a new day refreshed and ready to continue this journey with us
Sometimes I'm HHALT .. (hormonal, hungry, angry, lonely, tired) that kind of sums it all up in a nutshell for me. I do know when I am feeling vulnerable which equals emotionally exhausted I could be headed for hormonal .. keep that in mind. Be easy on yourself Michelle you have had a lot in your life over the past 6 months and gone through tremendous change .. body, mind, spirit are all in different places from time to time.
Sleep is paramount, I hope you get some much needed rest and things are continuing in your world to move along in a positive way. You work an amazing program!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
"Easy does it," my friend. I have had to use that myself, it's a very good slogan... ( they KNEW we would do the perfectionist thing, lol)
I use the slogan when I notice my hyper-focus, stressing and straining to figure it all out... It's not a higher power-thing to be stressing, straining and forcing. I gotta detach from MYSELF occasionally, life is supposed to be fun too. I forget that sometimes
Good post, sweetie.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I forget that too, definitely. I think today I will just smile, laugh, and have fun. I am meeting three girlfriends for lunch then some shopping. I think that I need this day of just fun. Thanks, glad lee.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I think you said it in that he either will or won't, what will do you. I do think to some extent it is your business, though - not to control what he does, but to use your knowledge to make choices that are best for you based on what is going on. With marriage or any close relationship like it, the other person's business inevitably becomes ours as well. I learned that the hard way and I'm still struggling to detach even though I only see my Ah on weekends. Wishing you esh.
Your awareness and program are awesome! It is normal and healthy to have peaks and valleys in recovery. Be gentle with yourself, progress not perfection. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
((((Michelle)))) with more practice, program becomes habit and second nature and then you can keep your brain in its box and just "walk" the talk; get it down to your feet and into your subconscious. You become your program and your program becomes you and it is what he will expect of you as you also expect him (if nothing changes) to work his "habit". Get your meditation out of your head...it is what it is and thinking doesn't improve on it...just uses up lots of braincells that run around crashing into each other and mad at you for the overload. LOL ((((Hugs))))
NYC- I agree. Breakingfree- thank you for being my friend Jerry- Your words really comforted me tonight. I have not been thinking about that, I know I have heard it.. but you retain things when you're ready to, I guess. I will eventually just be my program, walking the walk consistently.
I am going back to my therapist tomorrow so this should help. sometimes after graduation, you decide to go back and get your master's.. hahahahaha!!! Today was emotionally overwhelming. I do think what I am feeling are "growing pains" though. Every time I feel this way and things get really hard, I end up fifty yards ahead of where I was at before it all, once I get through it. This too shall pass and the good times will too and its all a process.. gotta ride the waves. Thank God for al-anon friends, this site, my meetings, and a therapist who understands that I keep coming and going. Hahahahah!!!
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
