The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I no longer walk around expecting rugs to be pulled out from under me. Most of the time its my "stories" the rest of the time, I see the rug before it happens, if I'm honest with myself.
I made myself a priority in the middle of 2010. I began to take care of me. I thought for certain my kids would falter, or something bad would happen, but it didn't. I got stronger. I'd already been putting boundaries in place, but as I learned to love myself enough to be a priority, I was able to deal with the really big tough things separately and trusting I would do the right thing. And - I no longer fed the drama from my ex.
I came here a few weeks back to continue that road. I was dating a man who has been in recovery almost 3 years but he had relapsed. He self admitted to a rehab, has opted to stay a second month because he feels he's getting a lot from the program.
It's allowed me the time to get to know him (and vice versa), to really check myself to see if I can practice detachment with love. So far, its gone very well.
I recognize things could change tomorrow. I recognize I have to continually strengthen my tools and myself and for me its not about this guy. It's about all my relationships.
I have a busy weekend ahead. I have the opportunity to do multiple things that I will enjoy. One is spending time with this man Saturday. The other is riding the horse I'm starting to lease the same day. Finally driving 2 hours on a day trip for family Easter gathering.
Once upon a time I would have worked everything around time with a man. I had discussed with him that my parents would like to meet him but I couldn't return him from the day pass on time Sunday, so I wouldn't be able to see him Sunday. In another world I'd have skipped the family event!
Then I was deciding how to organize Saturday and right away my first thought was "I can't wait to ride!" So I told him I would see him and spend time after I was done riding.
He responds with "that's great to hear, and Sunday I will be at a friends for Easter so that will make for a great weekend".
This has been the interactions we typically have. We both have strong feelings, but we both want to take this slow. Maybe it will go well and continue, but I expect bumps in the road. We already discussed my boundaries for if he relapses. He knows where I stand 100%. I've gone to a couple AA meetings with him and he knows I'm ok with his recovery being first in his life, because my recovery is first in my life.
Can't say I expect this to be long term. One day at a time, I'm too old to be in a rush. I've got plenty of time to decide, it doesn't have to be today.
Enjoy the horse, enjoy the visit and enjoy Easter!!
Love your share thank you!!
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Maresie, I think by human nature it's nearly impossible to find someone for a relationship that doesn't make some demands, so I get you on that one fully! I think the challenge is for both parties to work and set boundaries early and start with the detachment. It could be that in a month or a year that the boundaries aren't working so well, or maybe we'll get lucky and keep them strong.
That's why I don't want to have expectations for the relationship to follow a certain course. If I do that, I set me up to try and fit what I want instead of working with what I have.
And time will tell! I know it will require me to refocus on myself regularly.
