The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think distinguishing between an alcoholic's world and the real world is important, as Pushka said. Note that The Price is Right is filmed at CBS Television City in Hollywood. What your exA must be referring to is "The Price is Right Live!", which is "a staged production show based on the television game show." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Price_Is_Right_Live!) In the Las Vegas version, contestants are chosen through a random drawing, so even if he gets all the way to Vegas, the chances of being an actual contestant aren't so great. As to whether he'll get to Las Vegas? Well, my ex-AH always had huge plans too. A couple of them really happened, sort of. But planning this kind of extravaganza when you can't even write a check to help your kids is just the kind of crazy pie-in-the-sky thinking alcoholics do.
It's certainly infuriating when they make these wild plans without taking a moment to look at their real-life responsibilities. I can't help but think that those of us taking up the slack and actually thinking ahead are going to come out ahead. Keep on taking good care of yourself.
-- Edited by Mattie on Saturday 31st of March 2012 06:47:55 AM
Jerry F. has posted about the A and gradiosity. I see this so much in my AH. While we are separated and I try to figure out how to pay almot $3000 in income taxes (over what I've already had taken out of my paycheck last year), he goes out to bars everynight and tells our kids that he's going to take them here and there when he talks to them (they are all grown).
I'm going to have to sell more of my jewelry to be able to pay my tax bill and I'm very angry about it. I was hoping to be able to pass my jewely on to my kids some day. But when I sit down and think about it, I'm in a much better place mentally. The drama does not live with me anymore. I am making very slow progress and I know that I will make it. My AH is nowhere near gettng better, in fact he is getting worse with every passing day that he chooses to drink.
Namaste.
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Saturday 31st of March 2012 11:20:09 AM
So last night my son tells me all about the COOLEST thing. My exA and his sister are planning a trip to vegas to be on the game show. It's so cool because they have special shirts, and they are going to drive and visit relatives along the way and BLAH BLAH BLAH
Oh, do I sound angry? Yah. Probably because I am. I haven't been able to sleep since I heard this. I had $50 to my name last week before I got paid. I prayed nothing would happen because that is all I had! I am barely surviving financially. Yesterday I had a brake problem -- one side smelled hot, and I don't want to have it looked at because if I have that fixed, I won't have money for groceries this month. My son had his first semi formal, and I scrambled and scratched together $200 so he could have a dress shirt and pants...I am paying for a tutor so he can succeed in school...and barely getting by.
and his father, who has done NOTHING to support his family (in fact, he took his sons Xmas money), is planning a trip to VEGAS to be on a GAME SHOW.
What world makes this okay? alcohol world. And I hate that place. Just sayin.
Thanks for letting me vent...I just want to scream I'm so frustrated.
Sending love and support, .. don't throw a shoe at the computer screen
You know you are doing the best you can for your kiddo and HP has got your back, even when it feels like the Devil himself is thumbing his nose from the front of the picture. It's not that I"m better than my AH .. it's that I know I get up everyday look myself in the mirror and say I'm going to do my best program today. At night do the same thing and say I did the best I knew today with my program. My AH .. he can say he did his best .. does he really believe it and what does the disease tell him? I can feel sorry for what he is choosing to miss out on. It will be his amends to make to his children, to me, to his friends and so on. It's not my program to work that way either. It's not going to be an easy road if and when he chooses recovery to face. Again .. that's where I feel sorry for my AH.
There is also a very good possibility this is all talk and it really won't happen either .. if you said he left this weekend to go and be on a game show then .. ok .. he did it. I could say I'm taking a trip to Hawaii in August .. it doesn't mean I'm going to if i don't follow through.
In support, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
There was a post the other day...can't find it now...about how the A just keeps behaving in ways that validate my decision to detach...and draw firm boundaries.
I know that long-term I will be okay. He either will be or won't be.
This disease just continues to baffle me...and sometimes I get really angry about it...and I feel betrayed by the people who support his behavior...
It does really help to vent to people who understand....and I so appreciate this board!
I do understand. You are living by your principles and although it is hard living by prniciples means you have not sold your self, your ideals or your values for a cheap thrill or a fantasy world.
Trust HP, vent here and at meetings and know you are not alone.
I have to stop thinking life should be fair. Having a bit of a pity party this morning because I perceive that if I work hard, and do what I know is right, that good things will come to me. Unfortunately, life just doesn't work that way. Bad things happen to good people...and irresponsible As take trips to Vegas.
I'm praying that I can release this negative headspace...been crying all morning for myself. Time to dust off and do something different.
I found that Living by principles developed the difficult character assets of patience, determination, self esteem ,fortitude, compassion, understanding and mot importantly trust in HP
You are building a much more powerful reward one moment at a time
Your hard work in the program will bring you good things, the program promises that. Not an exotic trip or financial blessings per say, but the rewards will come. And no matter how hard we work to do what is right, bad things do still happen but we are so very fortunate to have the tools to walk through those times, supported and with serenity.
I spent many years struggling financially to raise three sons. Their Dad did help but it was a drop in the bucket and their stepdad came into our lives fighting his recovery demons which made it near impossible for him to maintain steady employment. The only way I was able to make it without being eaten up by resentment was with this program. I'm in my 50s now and life is so much better. We live modestly but the days of chosing between heat or food are long gone. It gets better.
Also I sometimes forget that venting is OK and can be cathartic. Venting is scary to me because I worry it will take on a life of it's own and consume me. I read a recent post where someone said she allows herself 30 minutes to feel all the feelings, I love that. It was good to read your post. Sending positive thoughts your way...
Breathe deep - What is his long term reward for being an alcoholic and a bad parent? He's really not living a life that is so great. This is typical alcoholic/addict behavior because they are always scrambling around looking for the next high rather than focusing on responsibilities and daily living tasks. Reprof - Remember - you know he acts like this and this is why you are divorcing (part of it).
Your kids are eventually going to grow older and see him for what he is and that will be the ultimate consequence of his actions. You don't even need to do anything to facilitate that happening.
i think its very very difficult to see the ex A's irresponsibilty. Eventually the ex A stole some money from me 10 K to be specific because he did all kinds of stuff to make sure he got the insurance money for the car. I was livid of course.
I think its very very hard to not to want to knock them sideways. At the same time the frivolousness and the irresponsibility doesn't go anywhere. Detaching from that is like lifting a 500 lb weight but it is possible.
Currently I am in a real financial bind working jobs I don't like. I'm 5 years out from leaving the ex A and every day is still difficult. I do know it gets better.
Vegas sucks anyway. Dad may be trying to conceal his real agenda (in my experience, alcoholics go to Vegas to DRINK and act like a-holes, but your mileage may vary!).
Hold on to your peace and let this play out.
I understand about feeling betrayed by people who support the A's behavior. Or those who support it by proxy, by just looking the other way.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
