The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is Mariska and I just found this board. I'm relieved and disappointed that there are so many people going through what I am. Though I was aware that I was living with someone that had issues, I did not realize until yesterday (at marriage counseling) that they have a name for what he is- a dry drunk. The research that I have done basically confirms that every situation that I have encountered with him in the last four years has been a symptom of this disease. I know that I need to start going to al-anon meetings to support myself and my children emotionally. I am terrified to see where this trip is going to take me and my family.
Has anyone had a dry drunk in their lives recover to the point that their life was no longer miserable? If I stay on board with his recovery am I hurting my family more? I just feel so lost.
Dry drunk refers to an alcoholic that does not go to AA and has no recovery in place.....A person that has only stopped drinking. No - they don't recover because they have no program of recovery. Of course they may go through phases of being better than at other times but the dry drunk behaviors will remain unless he seeks out some recovery program and even then - it takes work to change.
You have some thinking to do for you. Alanon can help with that. It can help you determine what you just need to accept about him - what may change, what may not change, and what boundaries you should stick by.
Does that imply that if he starts recovery that he will has the ability to start changing things for the better? Our counselor suggested an outpatient program to deal with this and another addiction disorder. He appears open, but I question if he has the ability to overcome this and whether or not he will be the same person afterwards.
There's no knowing what is in store for him. Everyone can change, but of course not everyone will change. He will have to want it for himself and work his program hard. That's something that would be for him to take action on. Generally people don't change unless the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of changing. (That goes for us too.) If he feels the need, the doors of AA are open for him. But of course your first responsibility is for your own recovery, health, and serenity. I hope you have a recovery program underway too. That will make all these things clearer.
