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Aftter almost 2 weeks in the critical care unit with the most severe case of DT's the doctor said that he had ever seen, the doctor announces today at noon to my husband that he is being released tonight. On Tuesday, I talked to the doctor and asked him when he expected him to be released because I was working on having rehab set up for him. He told me Sunday at the earliest but probably Monday or Tuesday. I called the facility that I had researched and picked for him but they didn't have any openings until next week. I called around to all of the other places that are nearby but only came up with a firm maybe we will have an opening tomorrow. I need to call in at 10 am.
I feel like this was handled so badly by the doctor. All through this, I have stressed to the doctor (and my husband) that the whole family, his friends and his bosses wanted him to go straight into rehab from the hospital. I asked the doctor if they would at least keep him until tomorrow and he agreed but acted like I was treating the hospital as a babysitter. I was just in shock and the nurses were all looking at me and shaking their head like they couldn't believe what was going on. Now, my husband is upset with me because he was told he could leave and big, bad wifey won't let him go home. The sad thing is he had agreed to go to rehab without any prodding or drama and now he is acting all mopey like I don't want him at home.
Just curious as to what you would do in this situation.
-- Edited by WornOutMrsFixIt on Thursday 29th of March 2012 08:50:52 PM
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
Hospitals tend to follow protocols. I had to beg the psych ward to keep my wife in for an extra 2 hours just so I could get out of the house with a handfull of belongings and our kids before she got home.
I personally have prayed for you and yours and I hope that he goes in right away. You are quite right that going home to think about it could be bad. And I have never had DTs so I don't know how nasty they can be after they are deemed, "over" by a hospital.
All you can do is be grateful that he at least went through the DTs. DTs can kill.
You are doing THE BEST YOU CAN. Which is commendable in my book.
If he discharges today, or discharges on Monday and goes straight to rehab... he can still pick up a drink or not. He can leave rehab, they don't lock them in their rooms. If he wants it, he will do it today or on Monday.
Having said that.. yes I do see what you are saying that the plan has changed and now he is going back to a higher risk environment regarding tiggering a return to drinking.
As rrib said, there may be AA meetings in your area that HE can research and go to. He could choose to go away for a few days (is camping or something an option??) away from alcohol. HE has a billion choices he can make whether he is at home, in rehab, or in hospital.
I can hear you are frustrated.. Hospital and medical people look at bed states, patient states and use a priority system. Well I know they do in the hospital I work in.
I don't know what I would do in this same situation, but I know Al Anon may suggest that you allow him to do what ever it is he is going to do, organise his own rehab, and you take care of you in the best way you can.
You said hubby wants to go into treatment. That is wonderful and don't lose sight of that.
Try to let go and let god with the rest of it. You never know what will happen today at 10 or later this weekend. I have seen miracles happen in similar situations whit people waiting on a bed in a facility.
Stay strong, use the things you have learned in AL-Anon, call people, pick up that 4000# phone and reach out to fellow members.
You will get thru this, god has you back if you let him.
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Sounds like a tough situation, to be sure.... you also sound very much like me, on one of my many (unsuccessful) attempts to control/design/plan/schedule my A's treatment and recovery.... Just my experience, but when I did all the legwork for my A.... when I did the research.... when I convinced her of what is best for her and what time she should go..... when I was (naively) believing I was 'in control' of her recovery - each and every time was a resounding failure....
When I finally stepped back, and more or less did what rrib suggested on this post - she amazingly did all those things by herself, and hasn't had a drink since (over nine years now).
Not judging - at all..... I did exactly the same thing.
Just wanted to share that perspective with you
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Of course you are frustrated. I imagine that many a doctor is frustrated by an alcoholic's behavior. I think it would take a very special person not to be.
I know when I was around the now ex A I was always fuming about people who let him down in some way. That included his mother, his brother, his friends, his boss, his...the list went on.
All this is very typical.
Of course there is no guarantee that your husband even after this will take to treatment. And of course he still can't organize his own recovery. In time he may.
In the meantime please rest, take care of yourself. You did more than save his life this time. Sometimes we can't control the entire universe if we could they wouldn't be drinking would they?
