The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Im no longer able to pretend or ignore that things arent the way that I wanted them to be.Those that are close to me know that Ive been divorced for 6 years; my sister does not.
She is not mentally well, has harmed me (and others) many times, is meddling, and has an extensive sense of entitlement.I found serenity many years ago when I detached, focused on myself, and avoided contact.
Today, Im informed that she just ran into my exAHs new wife.
I am still processing my unhealthy thoughts of shame, hurt and sadness from the demise of the long term marriage.I am slowly learning to come to terms with things the way they are and figure out healthier patterns, and seeking what is good for me.
My ex has me back in court.I have fear that my sister could, in some way interfere to try and further damage me.I know I need to work the slogan, what other people think is none of my business.
I do not want to address this with her or further address this with my other family members.I need my energy to focus on myself, find work, and establish healthier relationships, and stay in the moment (which I am not mastering very well at the moment). Trying to take some breaths and give it to HP, but, at the moment it feels like failure.
I am feeling like I must be missing major components of Alanon at the moment. Id appreciate any support on how to focus on the program.
I'm so sorry this is so difficult for you. You have a great program .. this throw back can't feel good. Feelings aren't facts. For me I have found when I slide even just a little when I embrace what I know in the program to be true, God did not take me this far to drop me on my butt now. The end result means so much more moving forward. Letting go of the outcome of the situation is the best we have got. You didn't cause it, can't control it and won't cure it.
Bless your sister, give her to your HP. Let HP sort through what life is throwing at you right now. Door #2 my friend is what you so deserve, there's more than Ramon Noodles in that door for you. It's what your HP wants for you which is bigger and better than we can even imagine.
This is me, from what you have shared, from who I gather you are .. you are not a failure. You have made the most out of difficult situations and done the best you can.
Thank you for this reminder for me because .. LOL .. I so needed your share today!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
"We are all half-baked experimentsmistake-prone beings, born without an instruction book into a complex world. None of us are models of perfect behavior: We have all betrayed and been betrayed; weve been known to be egotistical, unreliable, lethargic, and stingy; and each one of us has, at times, awakened in the middle of the night worrying about everything from money, kids, or terrorism to wrinkled skin and receding hairlines. In other words, were all bozos on the bus. This, in my opinion, is cause for celebration. If were all bozos, then for Gods sake, we can put down the burden of pretense and get on with being bozos. We can approach the problems that visit bozo-type beings without the usual embarrassment and resistance. It is so much more effective to work on our rough edges with a light and forgiving heart."
Lesser, Elizabeth (2008-10-27). Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (p. 28). Random House, Inc.. Kindle Edition.
SENDING YOU STRENGTH -- HOPE YOUR HEART LIGHTENS A BIT
Sometimes even one day at a time is too much for me. One minute, one second is more manageable.
You don't have to address anything with anybody, that is your right. Do what feels like the right answer for you, and know you can always change your answer as you need.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Aloha Bud...go back to that time when things were working out for you. Inventory what you did that worked and then...duplicate it now. I'm with you on this with part of my family and a sibling also and I am doing what you did and it's been working for a good long while. Good for HP, good for me and good for my family member. ((((hugs))))
I have a very difficult, full of resentment issue with my sisters. I have had to work hard on detachment.
If indeed your sister found out about your life I'm not sure how much she can do to you that the A can launch an offensive on.
Of course it is a major source of grief to have a sister we don't have a great relationship with. Indeed I recently got triggered by such issues as I met someone who acted much like my elder sister does.
No one here is going to judge you by that your sister is mentally ill.
Of course separating from an A is a business fraught with drama, pain and resentment and most of all grief. Of course people take sides. The ex A was very very good at making sure that happened.
You can weather it all with al anon. I don't think you are missing out on anything. Those of us without A's in our lives have lives full of problems, issues and incomprehensiveness. The issue is we don't think its all us that is the problem. Let go of the shame.
