The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Daily persistent working of the program has mostly changed my attitude about things. Not much outside of me, all those worldy things did not change. In fact, some look at my life now and think it's a complete disaster. My alcoholic family of origin treats me like I did something "wrong" and like I "failed" because the husband and the material things are all GONE....
But in the absence of all that......... is more peace. Oh man, I would not change it for anything. Once I stopped praying for outcomes, all I asked for was more peace and left it to God to work that out. My part was to just take all the suggestions that had been offered to me in the 12 steps....
Perfect? No. But progress feels pretty darn good. And soooo much better than living in the fear that MY designs for life were not working out.
I remember what it felt like in the beginning, trying to let go. My sponsor told me to just let God take the wheel, just let God drive now. And later, she told me, "Debbie! nobody likes a backseat driver." lol
In casual chat, a fellowship member borrowed from the Big Book and asked me, "God is everything, or else, God is nothing. God is, or He isn't. What is your choice?"
I said, "God is everything, of course."
He replied, "Then you can relax."
(still gives me goosebumps)
-- Edited by glad lee on Tuesday 3rd of April 2012 06:25:40 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
A recent entry in Courage to Change got me thinking about my higher power and the idea that if I truly believe and have faith and trust that my higher power will care for me and provide what I need, then the fear and stress and worry that is so much a part of my life should go away. I'm not even talking about just with my qualifier--I'm talking about all aspects of life--work, financial, family, etc.
Obviously it's not as simple as just saying it and I am finding that I need to consciously be aware when I feel this worry and bring it back to my higher power.
I'm wondering if there are others here who feel that they have achieved this--eliminated that constant sense of fear and worry and turned things over to their HP. And if so, how did you do it?
By being in the program over a long period of time you will slowly morph into what you read in literature. You will have a more inate knowledge of when you are powerless and you will channel your energy better. When you hit stumbling blocks, you will regroup faster. When life seems to crap on you, you now have a healthier support system, better faith, and better coping skills (all achieved through the program) and you will therefore "know how to handle situations that used to baffle you" (one of the promises stated in the BB).
It sounds like you are already part way there. Just keep it up.
**Also, none of us reach this state of perfect serenity and peace. I see that is what you are striving for. You don't want to eliminate all your negative emotions. To a degree worry is helpful in that it motivates us into action. You just don't want to have maladaptive reactions to worry and stress. You will never be 100 percent worry free, financial problem free, work stress free. What will happen over time is that you will just get so much better at getting back on track and your mind will tackle issues more effectively. You will "turn over" things you can't control quicker and focus on things you can change. Essentially you will just live the program in all your affairs and that makes life much easier.
Basically, the program does not eliminate your problems, it makes you better at dealing with your problems. It can't totally take sadness, worry, anxiety, depression away - but the tools you have now make it so you are WAY better off than you used to be right?
WOW .. I don't know if I have achieved this, .. I get glimpses of it and that gives me hope that I can have more of it.
I started a God Box and I love that .. being able to just write my prayer out and then let it go. Now .. LOL .. I do a 1,2,3 waltz every morning .. and I give myself permission to touch and think about my worries, fears and stresses .. I go through each one and ask myself can I change it or do I just have to accept what is. If I can change it I can HOW (Honesty, Openness and Willingness long story short that's my plan of action with it), then if it's just something I have to accept (that my AH is not well in the least) I have to give it back to God (my HP) and at this point I have to trust (sometimes it's fake it until I make it) that God is not going to take me this far to drop me on my backside. One share at the AA meeting I love is God always opens a door, it just happens to be hell in the hallway. Sometimes I just happen to be in the hallway and I have to learn this is in God's time not mine.
What I'm finding for me is that I can start letting things go more and more. Instead of waiting until lunch time to decide to give something over, .. I can do it before lunch .. which is better than before I go to bed .. lol. God is watching out for me and my kids .. now .. it may not be what I think I want .. I'm starting to see it truly is what is best for me.
It's the best that I can do though and that's what counts, because I'm a work in progress.
Great topic thanks for posting it!!!!
Hugs P:)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You will find that in the roller-coaster of life the highs are smoothed out and the lows get much higher. You are a human so you will never be without stress. But little by little your TRUST that your higher power, zen, karma etc are very present in your life. You will notice it in retrospect and that will build your trust. Stay grateful.
I have achieved a deep sense of serenity, courage and wisdom as a result of working the Steps continually in my life. The ancient fear, sadness, resentment and self pity from the past has been lifted by HP and I can truly live in the moment and the day. I no longer project and do trust that no matter what happens I can handle it with the help of HP.
Naturally this does not mean that I will be living a life without problems. It just means that the tools I now have enable we to live with principles and courage. I do my part and trust the outcome to HP. My son passed away 5 years ago as a result of this disease and even in the darkest of days I still felt that HP was there guiding and giving me the power to go on just one more day.
The courage to Change and the Steps gave me the tools to live and I am grateful to alanon for that
Wow, great replies, thank you everyone. Very helpful. And yes, I deal with things much better since I started in the program.
I guess what I'm hoping for is not so much perfection, but just a sense when the stress comes up that everything will be ok and worrying isn't going to do me much good. And even if everything isn't "ok", everything will go according to God's will and that is all that matters. My worrying and fretting won't change it a bit. I'd like to be at that place where I feel that, consistently. To me that's about improving my conscious contact with God.
Funny, literally minutes after I posted this my wife called me and said our daughter had fallen down some steps and cut her head up pretty bad. I'm not sure how I handled it--my immediate reaction in my mind was to blame my wife because she was not outside with her while she was playing, then I got angry at her for calling me instead of comforting our daughter who I could hear screaming in the background. That being said--in the "old days" I would have been consumed and probably would have rushed home immediately. So there is progress. And my daughter is just fine.
UTB, first and most importantly, thank goodness your daughter is ok. One of my favorite slogans is "how important is it?" I find myself saying this a lot to catch myself from entering into a bad mental state and getting worked up over things that will likely turn out to be just fine. It is very easy for me to get stressed out and start having worst case scenarios in my head, and saying this helps put things back in their proper perspective. I remember so many things I worried about, none of which happened. It's a process and with enough practice, it hopefully gets easier with time.
Great question , for me it was as simple as finally trusting that the God of my understanding would take care of me , by providing the information I need , by placing people in my life to help me get thru the bad days I still have to do the foot work but have learned to leave the out come to God .. I have a dear friend who died a few yrs ago but she has left me with alot of great stuff to live my life by her fav was always * Nothing absolutley Nothing happens in Gods world by mistake .* When she was killed by a drunk driver 5 min after she left me at my car I questioned His decission for along time , finally comming to terms with the words she lived by I was able to let go .. there came a point in my life where I nothing to loose by trusting this Higher Power I had chosen , I still dont understand the God of my understanding that I have chosen for myself but it appears as if he understands me . Louise
I have moments where I feel like I've achieved it. I know that I will be ok, no matter what - something I didn't before. I still have moments of anxiousness but they are shorter and farther between. This program has helped me so much
Pushka thanks for reminding me of the God Box - I've been wanting to do one and I forgot. I want my daughter to do one too.
to me it's a process. It doesn't end in one day, it didn't start in one either. I can look back to when I lived in that state constantly - depressed, fearful every day, worried, stressed, defeated, bitter, lonely, angry. It's like looking at another planet now. But is it all magically gone? No, because life changes.
I'm always going to have to work on me for something. Right now a lot of work is with my kids. I get skills dealing with one issue and a new one comes up.
But what I have now, is the understanding that none of this is fatal. I might feel a little stressed over a new issue, but I always give myself permission to make mistakes as I learn, to give myself extra time to decide how to handle it (IE: things are no longer "crisis" all the time), and permission to give myself a break instead of getting on my case for not having the answer all the time. That is my serenity.
