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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Sad and exhausted.
Post Info TOPIC: Sad and exhausted.
julesredgirl


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Sad and exhausted.
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I am just sad today. Crying a lot since yesterday. which started out for no reason. I just woke up really depressed and angry. Im not sure if its cause Im a woman and it is that time, or Im emotionally drained from all that's been going on, or just physically drained cause I cant remember the last time I had a day off. Or all the above.  I prayed for myself to snap out of it, but it was still just so hard to get through the day.

Im not sure what happened, but all these thoughts started and I felt all insecure and needy and resentful of my alcoholic bf. He relapsed recently, and im not sure if he has since, cause I'm doing my best not to ask him. But that is hard. He is not in the program, and it's very noticable since he manipulates and places all the blame on me for everything.  I woke up today still feeling the same way, and he was mad at me for not "settling down" so he called me a name. I said I will not be spoken to that way and he said to "stop acting like one then". He never apologizes, and that is really starting to get to me. I apologize when Im in the wrong. Which I am more times than Id like to admit, but he never does. when we finally make up from this fight I will be the one apologizing for being irrational and insecure and for being a crazy #$$% as he called me. He will say "ok good". 

He went on to say I always do this and always cause fights and I ruined his day like he's the prince. 

I just need some help getting thru the day again. Cause I dont wanna go to work now. I am not in the mood to put on another fake happy face and pretend Im fine. Im exhausted.



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Jules
Jackie11


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 609
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I just did a quick thread search for ESH. Knowing what I want to say and finding the words is not always easy but knowing the ESH already exists helps!

http://alanon.activeboard.com/t42349186/going-crazy/

We all have days where it feels like the walls are closing in. Where we hurt. I often hear the suggestion for a gratitude list. I'm often reminded that feelings are not facts. This too shall pass.

Sending hugs and support on your journey!!!

 



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thechee


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I'm new to this so I don't have any advice...but I would like to say that I am so sorry that you hurt!

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pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

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Sounds like a pretty toxic relationship. Jules, I don't know how open you are to going to Alanon meetings but it would make a big difference. Right now you have so much of yourself invested in this relationship that you cannot see clearly. Most friends are going to tell you "OMG! Why do you put up with that!? What an A-hole!" It's not that simple as most of us know.

Alanon could be the light to help you find your way through this situation, to start really caring for yourself, and to have some peace. How it works does not matter - It does work though. Basically, once you let other people in through meetings, having a sponsor, and fellowship and also let God as you understand him in more and more - The hold that your ABF has on you will lessen and then your world will change dramatically. Please do this for yourself!

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Sad and exhausted.