The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I Wish! I would have known that my ex's addiction impaired his circulatory system, so much so that his organ was in operable:) A nicer way to say it.
In true alcoholic fashion, he berated me again and again for his inability to function....it was MY fault! He even yelled at me in front of my adolescent sons that "I' denied him. What a joke. He had broken parts from his own hands, so to speak. But Oh how he loved to Blame me for it all!
Now, I wish I had the courage to educate my sons in this delecate manner that I believe with all my heart and soul they should know! iT IS MY DESIRE TO RAISE HEALTHY OFFSPRING, EVEN OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. My question, is how do I raise a delecate subject, at least for this Mother and her sons.
Whew, that felt good! Something that has been on my mind for many years.!
I think it's appropriate to educate your sons on how alcohol and drugs can and does have an affect on erections and sexual satisfaction.
-- Edited by Dolly Llama on Tuesday 27th of March 2012 02:14:26 PM
__________________
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
You could tell them what sex should be. That when people are healthy in mind and spirit and body, they are then able to connect with others on a level of intimacy and with sexual behavior that is gentle, romantic, and mutually satisfying. I think you could say "I'm not sure what messages you got on this subject from me and your father but I don't think it was the right one due to several reasons including your father's addiction issues." Perhaps remind them that there was a time where you had a healthier relationship on all levels with their father and that is what led to them being born - but addiction is horrible and it messes up your body, mind, and spirit so that you can't even enjoy normal and wonderful things like being able to have sexual intimacy with another person. Lastly, depending on how old and mature your sons are, it could help to reinforce that an addict often does not want to accept responsibility that they did this damange to themselves without meaning to or even necessarily wanting to and that is why they may have seen Dad lashing out at times over the subject. To whatever extent you can explain these things without demonizing their dad - it could help.
All of this is in an ideal world and I am not sure at what degree your sons are with their maturity and ability to have this type of conversation. Just food for thought.
If it were me, I would look at finding some educational material on the effect of alcohol on the body (regardless of addiction) and educate them about what alcohol does to long term health.
I would think this may take away the stigma of it being a 'sexual' talk.
PM me if you want some help researching this.
Alcohol is a vasodilator but it is a depressant on the central nervous system making muscles very relaxed. It is pertinent for both men and women to know the long term health effects and sexual dysfunction.
