Since I truly gave up my life to my HP and started to live in reality, I have noticed a coorelation.  Each time I have made a conscious choice to accept life on life's terms, something wonderful opens up for me.

You might recall from past posts that I have been struggling with losing my in-laws.  It's really hard to accept that and turn it over to my HP, but I managed to go from, "Well, f--- them." to "I accept that my relationship with my in-laws has changed."  

I had to get in touch with my MIL for some info regarding a background check.  She called me and gave me the info...I told her my good news of getting a spot at Army officer candidate school with the National Guard.  She was really happy and said to keep her posted, she would send care packages and notes.  I start blubbering like a fool and tell her that I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or cross boundaries, but I think a lot of them...I told her that I didn't really know what to do in regards to what kind of relationship we could have. 

My MIL is not an emotional woman.  Think more of a steely midwestern housewife nurse type.  She said- we want you to be happy, like I said, keep us posted.  In her language, she was saying they are still there to cheer me on and share my successes. 

I wasn't expecting that.  Radical acceptance.

And tonight my husband texted me- he doesn't think he can "continue a dialouge" with me about getting back together.  We did speak last night about if there was any way forward in our marriage.  (Progress, not perfection.)  He called me FROM A CASINO and the conversation quickly turned into a pissing contest about money.  We didn't come to any resolution and all day today as I was in-processing into the Guard, I was thinking about how much stronger I feel without him and *was* there any way I would really be able to trust him again?

To his text, I responded- Ok, I will respect that.

Not- Care to elaborate?  What do you mean? or Are you sure?  Did something happen?   etc.

Just, ok.  No followup.  Radical acceptance.  (it was a relief)

Of course, my atypical response ruffled his feathers and he tried to draw me into an argument, he's hurt that our marriage isn't a priority to me, how can I possibly think he doesn't support me going back in the military?

etc. etc.  You know how it goes.  My radical acceptance, though probably inspired by 12 hours of military in-processing, medical checks, and on 2 hours of sleep (there's nothing like pure exhaustion to cultivate an attitude of "yeah, ok, whatever you say"), freed me.  If he is done, that is okay.  If he wants to try to draw me into an argument, that is okay too.  I don't have to attend every fight I am invited to. 

I am officially an officer candidate in the National Guard.  I ship out to basic training (yes, I have to do it all over again) in about 2 months.  It is imperative that I focus on getting in the best shape possible and brushing up on some old skills.  Wild horses will not be able to drag me away from this focus.  My H has a way of creating chaos.  I am done playing games and am happy to radically let all that go and let my HP and this program transform my life.  

-- Edited by Dolly Llama on Friday 23rd of March 2012 07:02:51 PM