The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
thanks One friend he wanted to visit, I said that I would drop him off but I do not want to sit in their home. They chose to change the plans we had already made to go out for dinner and then wanted us to change the plans on another night so we would go to thier house.
My response.. I will drop you off but I am not sitting in their house because they don't want to go out because they can't just drink and smoke all they want in a public place. I am not changing my plans to cater for their problems.
He said, maybe we coudl just pop in after we have done our thing. AGain... I will drop you off but I am not visiting. Result.. we did our own thing and didn't see those people.
-- Edited by Oksie on Thursday 22nd of March 2012 06:18:15 PM
As many of you may remember, I have been away with work. My husband came with me and the location was his old city where he lived for 21 years and was a massive pot addict. He came with me to see his kids primarily and to catch up with friends. This means... .catch up wtih pot heads (apart from his kids)
It all went well. There were ups and downs... but at no point was any pot smoking while I was around. If any was done during the day, it did not affect me, and the days he had the car (1 and 1/2) he was straight.
Yesterday, at the airport, something was said by somebody else (his son I think) and husband responded with .. well I have been here 3 and 1/2 days and had no pot at all. I beamed inside. Outside I said nothing as I was not part of the conversation really.
Once at home I said that he sounded a bit upset that he hadn't smoked while there when he was talking at the airport. He said yeah there were several times he wanted a smoke. I asked why. He was bored etc, but mainly because he was around the people he usually smokes with.
I pointed out that when he was spending time with them they weren't smoking either. I know he went out of his way to see them at a time they would previously have smoked and they didn't this time (in my mind I say... that tells me you were the instigator, not the result, of the smoking but anyway...), he even went to one persons house and none was offered. I also pointed out that they were people he USED to smoke with, not USUALLY smoke with.
I am proud that my husband did not actively seek the drug by asking or buying or suggesting or anything.
I am proud even more that I did not bring it up, harass him, get angry at his attempts and suggestions, I maintained my boundaries and did not cave in to his pressure to visit certain people.
As I said, there were ups and downs... but it turned out well for me in that I feel I maintained my serenity. I don't know for sure if he is lying to me or not... it doesn't matter right now. I am ok and that is all that matters to me about that time away with work.
