The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Does anyone have a book recommendation aimed at the families of alcoholics who are not currently drinking and not in a recovery program?
I bought the book "Getting them Sober" and while I agree there is some really great information here, it is aimed at the spouse of an active alcoholic. Been there done that. What I need to know now is how to set boundaries and limits at home for his negative attitude so that I can achieve some serenity at home. He is a dry drunk and I don't know anything about what the future holds for me or him... only know I have to get thru this now.
The Courage to Change (an Al Anon daily reader) has some great passages on detatchment, anger, compassion,and resentment that I find very helpful. My AH is mostly not drinking and has never set foot in an AA room. This book on a daily basis really helps me stay out of the way of whatever my husband is going through and especially helps me keep the focus on myself, which I have found to be the key to living with this circumstance.
A Stronger Me: Is "Boundaries" an Al Anon book? Something I could pick up at a meeting?
No, Boundaries is not an Al Anon book. The author also wrote a book called "Boundaries in Marriage" that is very good as well. I'm reading a very good book called "Beyond Boundaries:Learning to Trust Again in Relationships". You can read reviews for all these books on Amazon and some can be downloaded to a Kindle or Ipad.
Hope, Getting Them Sober has multiple volumes, and some of them are more focused on dealing with a non-drinking alcoholic. Might be worth checking out.
My daily readers like "Courage to Change", ODAT and "Hope for Today" I got at face to face meetings for $5 each and my sponsor has taught me a million dollars worth of dettaching from this disease and setting boundaries to keep myself as serene as possible. "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie helped me a lot, but only if you are a codependent. "In All our Affairs" is also a helpful one. I have a library of books, but not all of them are only about boundaries. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Drinking or sober you are still dealing with an alcoholic , this is called alcoholism not alcoholwasm , with out help and support nothing is going to change for the alcoholic Sober up a horsethief and you have a horsethief was described to me that made sence to me . Our literature works drinking or not when I find myself in a problem I change the word alcoholic to the name of the person that is causing me a problem , our book the Dilema of the Alcohlic Marriage adresses alot of issues with sobriety and has great sharrings on communication also our book Living with Sobriety helped me alot . I hope you are attending meetings for yourself u too need to recover from the effects of somone elses drinking Louise
Getting Them Sober is relevant to me, and I am separated from my non-recovered spouse. I got chills reading it!
I second Codependant No More.
I don't know if these will apply to your situation, but they helped me a lot- Wolf in Sheep's Clothing (How to Deal with Manipulative People)...can't think of the author and
Why Does He Do That- Inside the minds of angry and controlling men by Lundy Bancroft
These last two helped me recognize the mind games some addicts play and gave me the tools to protect myself. Seeing the behaviors for what they really were was an eye-opener to me and really helped clear my brain fog.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Oh I like the sound of the Wolf in Sheep's Clothing book, I'll be picking that one up! Also I was going to mention the Co-Dependent book, not sure how it's viewed here but in my experience, if you belong in Al-Anon or ACA, you probably fit the Co-Dependent category too. That's what I found.
I have Co-Dependent No More and Beyond Co-Dependency. Both excellent books.
I found that what helped me most with my recovery was getting to Al-Anon meetings and keeping continual regular contact with my sponsor.
I have delved into other literature for my own personal reflection. I found one thing that really helped me connect with living in acceptance was Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth". It really helped me to look at ME and not necessarily have me just think of ways on how to live with and recover from the disease of alcoholism. This is personal preference, only, however. "A New Earth" can be a tough one to grasp.
Another piece of literature that I personally found very helpful was "Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. This book kept me occupied with daily reflections and actual TASKS on finding out what brought me happiness and joy. I found this book extremely helpful because before my recovery, my happiness and joy was warped by a belief that it centered around what makes OTHER people happy, not me.
Aloha Hope...I don't know about specifics as you have asked and I've stopped looking while settling for wide and general support in the stuff I read. ...In All Our Affairs - Making Crises Work for You on the Al-Anon literature list as B-15 is good for that at least for me. It is a "self" focus reader using the program for foundation. Check it out. See if you can borrow a copy before buying one. Good Luck. ((((hugs))))
