"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Not sure if I am in the right place, but I will just start about my ABF

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Again , Wantbeter

FtoF is Face to Face meaning a Live meeting

You can certainly attend alanon meetings. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem with alcoholism in a relative or friend

If you are concerned about your own drinking you can also explore the AA side of this Board and attend AA meetings The A Board is at this site:

http://aa.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42735

The disease of alcoholism is so destructive that we cannot do this alone Please attempt to check out the alanon meetings and keep posting here

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 21st of March 2012 10:53:36 PM

WantBetterforAll · Newbie

Hello,

My first time here. I know the answer, I really do. I have seen so many posts on different sites about this. The answer is: I need to leave him behind, and focus on myself and my healing.

He is (like they are) wonderful, handsome, charming beyond belief, talented. I have always felt that we had a "connection." Funny thing is that I drink too. I can have a few glasses of wine and just feel great, go to sleep and awake and continue with a normal day. He can too. I have seen in many times. We go to dinner, have some nice wine, and it's all fine. He goes for months with no issue. At the beginning of the year he didn't drink at all for 2 weeks...I cannot say that about myself. Then all hell breaks loose and the bender happens. Today is day 5 of this one.

Thank goodness I don't live with him. I can just take off and ignore him, although that is very difficult due to the multiple begging, pleading phone calls (come be with me, I'm hungry, bring me more booze...I need it to wean off). Today he was actually having physical withdrawals, and I am afraid I am watching him die.

I worry what he gets into when I am not there, because I know he is going out and getting booze. Once he was tossed into jail for a couple of days. I find myself so worried, and now I got sick and I think it is because I am worn down from worry.

The other day I mentioned that I needed to make some changes, and he immediately responded with "are you gong to leave me?"- Then later he said he would be "devastated" if I left, but I cannot be responsible for his actions or emotions. I need to save myself. Why is it so hard to walk away?

Very Very Tired · Senior Member

Welcome! You are in the right place.

AlAnon is a place where you will find people who understand like few others do and a place where you can take the time you need to make the decisions that are right for your life. You will find support to find your own answers.

I've been married to my AH for almost 20 years. The list of insanities, both his and mine, could fill books. To those who don't understand my situation, it would seem logical to say, "Leave. Run. Don't look back." Yet, as I hear in the AlAnon rooms, it's not that easy. This is someone I love and care about. This is someone I am watching slowly kill himself. And I am powerless to stop it. As Betty said above, I didn't cause it; I can't control it; and I can't cure it. But, I can take care of myself.

So, I work my program. I learn about myself. I find experience, strength and hope. And I wait patiently to see what the next right step is. The next right step does become clear. I know it when I know it.

Welcome! Try to find a F2F meeting.

WantBetterforAll · Newbie

Thank you both very much. I am new to this, as I said...can I even go to meetings when I drink myself? I think that by most classifications I am an alcoholic also (drink everyday with some exceptions)....but no problems result. It does not seem to "get worse" or increase. Couple glasses of wine, then a great sleep and wake up to a productive day. I have never in my life been around someone who drinks the way my BF does. He gets all messed up and then wakes up and starts in again first thing! If I "have one too many" the last thing I want the next day is more booze. Yuck. OH well, I guess this is just as much about my problem and his. Also what is F2F? (family to family??)

Very Very Tired · Senior Member

F2F is face-to-face. In person meetings where you can get real hugs, phone lists and make real life connections with others who are in similar situations.

The only requirement for membership in Al-Anon is that there be a problem with alcoholism in a relative or friend. Nowhere in the literature does it say you can't drink. Some in Al-Anon are also in AA; some in AA are also in Al-Anon. Each person makes his/her own choice.

I also drank with my alcoholic husband (AH), but I have found the longer I am in Al-Anon the less alcohol appeals to me. Recently, I found that alcohol no longer serves the purpose it once did for me, so I have made the decision to no longer drink. No one in Al-Anon told me to do that. It was a personal choice.

danni · Senior Member

Welcome! Face to Face (F2F) meetings were extremely helpful in learning how to take care of myself, get and stay healthy, regardless of whether my husband was drinking or not. Whether you decide to leave him or not, drink yourself or not, there is help for those of us who love or have loved alcoholics. The fear, sadness, pain, and confusion can be overwhelming. I am so glad you found us here. It does get better. Sending you support!

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome... the others have given you some great feedback already, and it's not imperative (at this time) of whether you belong in Al-Anon or AA (you certainly wouldn't be the first one who started in Al-Anon, and soon realized they needed to be in AA).... the key is to start your recovery..... HIS drinking is definitely affecting you, and that - in and of itself - warrants your entry into Al-Anon....

Hope you keep coming back

Tom

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

I think you are absolutely in the right place.

Al anon can help you to learn boundaries, detachment and other tools.

Alcoholics can be very diffcult to say no to.

I lost all sense of self preservation around an alcoholic.

You can get it back.

Give al anon a chance, keep posting here. Get the book Getting them Sober. Find a way to get to a meeting.

Give yourself the chance to learn more about the program.

(Note none of this said anything about the alcoholic its all about you!).

maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"