The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
All I can say is UGH UGH UGH!!! I'm really trying to accept God's Will and not impose what my will is because of the whole door #1 and door #2 deal .. what God has in door #2 is what I want. I know it's going to be so much better than what I think I want, because my little pea brain can't wrap my head around what truly is best for me or my current situation. I don't know the outcome and things are going to be so much better than I can imagine. It may be hard for a short term .. short term pain for long term gain.
The whole Step 3 and truly turning it over to God and truly letting it go. It's getting better as far as the need to pick it back up. Well .. lol .. I pick it up I hold onto it .. the idea is that it's getting easier to let it all go back to where it should. I'm more willing and able to do so.
I think where I struggle right now is the lies, the rationalization that is not coming from a sober person, and I just truly want God to come down and thwap my A on the forehead and say heeelllooooo .. what the heck are you thinking?? I know he's not going to hear anyone except his wants and needs until he gets sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Please God help me accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I am tired of being sick and tired.
Thanks for letting me share, hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Lately, Pushka, I have been praying for my AH to God. Praying for God to create in him a new man, one who is submissive to God's will. I'm not sitting here praying for personality changes or for him to become a sappy bring me flowers every day kind of guy. No one knows our outcome from one day to the next, things can change in an instant. Taking it ODAT is the best way to go, right? And, yes, I struggle with the lies and the rationalizing that is given to me but I see it as a lesson that I need to learn about who I am and about who they are. I'm finally learning that I don't need to believe everything I hear, LOL. I am allowed to question things and learn the truth for myself and I can find peace in what I know because I know that it's all part of God's plan for my life. Thanks so much for sharing! B
My will is so so strong I have a vision of what I want my ex ABf sober but not just sober sober how I want him to be. I have pushed and pulled for 7 years and God love him he has tried and has had spells of sobriety. Even when he was sober I was not truly happy. This is about me not him, I am trying to force my will. So I have let go and let god and it hurts, I am trying to accept reality the thought of my dream not comimg true hurts but as you said gods will is what is best for all of us.
I love this share, too...thanks Pushka! Like so many of us, giving up my "vision" for my AH and my own life has been exceedingly difficult. As I get better at that, the question becomes more about whether I can work with what I have right now, in terms of my relationship with my AH, or if it is all just unacceptable to me and it's time to start closing that chapter of my life and moving on.
I love the word thwap!! LOL I had to laugh so hard... I need a good thwap once in a while and I know my H does. It's like HELLOOOOOOO.... do you really want to be this miserable all the time?? I am going to be happy and I am going to try and not let his moods take me off my track.
Thank you Pushka!! You always have wonderful shares!
I am in def need of a good thwap at the moment!! NOT MY WILL .. UGH .. I hate how much I struggle with this concept!!
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Be gentle with yourself, Pushka. I understand your frustration very much. I also try to remember that while it is nothing but fruitless and infuriating to try and impose your will on someone else, or on a situation you cannot control, I do think that it is important for us, as co-dependents, to be able to identify and embrace what we really want and need for ourselves. Many of us are still not terribly good at that. While I know it is unhealthy for me to try and impose my will on others, I try to take a lesson from the urge, and identify my wants and needs. I've spent so many years focused on everyone else, this has actually been a struggle for me.
((HUGS)) I am continuously inspired by your shares, your progress, and the lessons I can learn from you.
