The material presented
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Aloha Family...I've been pondering the Police Commission meeting which was called this last Friday. They were hearing my complaint of the assault and I went. They have open meetings just like Al-Anon...LOL however it isn't a Family Group meeting except for yours truely.
My PTSD and lack of sleep have been raging since Nov 8th so I wasn't in such great shape mind, body, spirit and emotions. My recourse was to pray..."Place me where you want me and tell me what to do" and then listen. I don't listen to well because the voices in my head all have been loud and out of control and then while I was sitting out side of the room waiting for my complaint number to be called I told HP "its getting close to time and I don't know what to do!!" And I didn't except HP clued me with the "tell me what to do"..."Do what your sponsor taught you to do when you were in a situation and feeling powerless." I had an AHA!! revelation as I remember my sponsor telling me "When you get in those situations tell the truth...that you are feeling powerless and say it out loud so everyone can hear it." It actually doesn't get any better than that because when I did it ...everyone there including myself were all on the same page. They were just as powerless as I was and I watched the body language of the 13-14 people in the room and they all relaxed into submission. The Country Attorney was at my left and I told him I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined sitting with him in a Police Commission meeting where I was the person complaining about an assault. I told them my intention was to put my wife at ease by going to buy a rain hat to keep the rain off my head when I worked outside. "I was going to get a rain hat and ended up in jail, wet and in an airconditioned cell...blah blah blah...until I just don't like going over the event anymore. There were some questions and then it was over and I left to "we will be notifying you of our decision". I'm powerless over that also. One of the people in the room was the internal investigation officer from the police department who said the same thing over a month ago and I've never gotten their decision.
Its turned over now...what is done up until this point is done and HP has it back in HP's "In File". I'm staying powerless until the next time I am told where HP wants me and then tells me what to do. Funny...didn't suggest anything more unique than what my sponsor taught me. Sponsors are instruments of HPs...don't you think?
I've got other things to do in the meantimes. Thanks for being here and for your loving support. (((((hugs)))))
With you in spirit, my friend.... here's hoping that they come to the sane and correct decision quickly, and you can fully put this whole ordeal rightfully in your rear view mirror. Fingers crossed in Canada!!
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Sending you much support, Jerry. It sounds like you were an inspiration for us all even despite how difficult it all was -- well, because of how difficult it all was. You turned it over.
Sending lots of love and support Jerry, hugs!!! P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks for sharing. You set a great example of surrender, humility and strength with this. I could follow that example in tough times for sure. I hope you get some peace after this whole incident and a good outcome to the hearing.
