Searching for help... - Al-Anon Family Group

motherof4 · Newbie

Searching for help...

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear mo4, I'm sorry for the situation that brought you here, but I'm so glad you found us. I can relate to your problems with your AH. So can plenty of people here at this board. I hope you know that everything he said about deserving the bad things that happened to you is just drunk talk. NOBODY deserves that kind of pain. But somehow A' s are great at saying the things they know will hurt us. And sometimes after listening to it over and over we begin to believe them. I'm happy to hear you're going to an alanon meeting on Tuesday. Unfortunately I can't tell you what they're like as I've never been to one in ¨real life¨. There are none available where I live so I rely on online meetings, alanon literature and the wonderful people on this board to help me with my recovery. As far as leaving him, or staying with him, you don't have to make that decision right now. (As long as there is no physical abuse-that's a whole other story). I think that attending alanon meetings and coming to this board, reading other posts and replies may be very helpful to you to learn how to cope with the situation. The tools you will learn in alanon will help you to eventually decide what will be best for you. In the meantime, know that you are NOT alone! Please keep coming back.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to Miracles in Progress

You are not alone I am so very happy that you found us tonight and had the courage to share. I am so sorry for the pain that this disease has caused you and understand all too well the destruction and sadness this verbal abuse can cause.

Yes alanon can help . Glad that you have found a meeting to attend. Here is a web site that can provide useful information about meetings and how it works

V

1. Q. How do I know if Al-Anon is the place for me?

A.Al-Anon is for friends and relatives of Alcoholics. If you have been affected by someone else's drinking then Al-Anon is for you!

By going to the following link:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

And placing your cursor over about us in the upper left of the screen, 3 more pull downs open. One of these is information for the newcomer, and the second is Al-Anon for you; both have good information.

Another good place on the Internet to find out about Al-Anon on the Internet is at Online Al-Anon Outreach at:

http://www.ola-is.org/l

It is very important to break the isolation and connect with others who understand as few others can. Please keep coming here and sharing and check out the face to face meetings

There is hope and help waiting. You are worth it

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

I finally came to understand to protect me, I had to pay attention to his behavior over time, instead of what he said. You will get wonderful insight and support at in-person meetings. At the newcomers' meeting, you will find pamphlets and books to explain Al-Anon. Welcome to MIP and to Al-Anon. Stay safe.

Corgi2 · Veteran Member

Im sorry that you had to go through such turmoil to come here, but Im glad you are here. Its amazing how you can relate to so many people based on what they share...my heart hurt for you as I read your share. That is because I am hurting too and it reminds me of the pain I go through. Al Anon is a safe place where you can share your thoughts and feelings and just vent if you need to. It's hard work...focusing on yourself and restoring yourself to sanity. Im so glad that you are going to a beginners meeting. Ask questions and get as much literature as you can. (the pamphlets are free and they really help!) Take care of yourself so that you can feel better. It takes courage to change and it sounds like youre taking the first step!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Mother and welcome to the board also from the Pacific. I empathize with where you are at right now and whcat you went thru...this disease sucks!! and what is more sick about it is that he is actually taking out on you what he is feeling about himself. He is a scared puppy and too afraid of owning the consequences of his drinking so you're available because you always have been. Enablers do that. When the alcoholic needs a target to throw their "monkey poop" (lol...great metaphor) at the enabler often volunteers to be their target. It's okay to stop; to change; to move out of the way. I had to learn that its only the crazy person who will stand in the way of all of the crap the disease throws out and that is why I thank my HP everyday for the Al-Anon Family Groups because as a member I was taught to get out of the way of the insanity.

You will learn in your face to face meetings a philosophy called the "3 Cs". You didn't cause the alcoholism, you can't control it and you will not cure it.

I'm hoping you have a great first meeting and get all the hugs and love that is there for the taking.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi there and welcome to MIP. No one deserves the terrible abuses that have happened to you! I hope you get to the face to face meetings in your area! Drunk people talk crazy talk and you can't believe what they say. I am glad you found us and keep coming back! Sending you love and support!

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Most of us here can relate to the emotional devastation that an angry drunk can wreak on his/her loved ones. It hurts SO much. (read my post on insight from primate world -- which is sometimes why drunks go on the attack, in my opinion)

There are lots of people here who will help you through this, and alanon will help too.

You do NOT deserve to be mistreated, EVER. With the tools of alanon you can find your way...to a better headspace.

keep reading, keep coming back, and know that this (where you are) is not your destination...you are moving THROUGH something...and you can, and will get to the other side of it

((((HUGS)))))

danni · Senior Member

So glad you are here. Welcome! This disease can get very ugly and sometimes dangerous. I am glad to hear you are going to a meeting. You deserve support and help with this painful situation. You are not alone! Keep coming back. Sending you TRMENDOUS support! I found the newcomer's packet (you'll get one at your first meeting--see the literature person) very helpful immediately. Again, I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now, and I am thinking about you.

motherof4 · Newbie

Thank you for all of the kind words. I was not able to make it to a meeting, and I really need to. I am so tired of hurting. I do appreciate the support. I am still in the same situation as two weeks ago. Today we made plans to go out with my brother and his fiance. He said he was going to go get the brakes on the car done and go and get a haircut. He dropped me off at my parents, and as of 7 hours later was still not back. When I called him he sent me to voicemail. When he finally called back he was already extremely intoxicated and had not done anything he said he would. He then drove to my parents house drunk, parked in the back.

Now because of the argument that ensued, my mother has told me she hates me and my bullshit, not to come to her house anymore. Ugh... I think I am going to take a sleep aid and head off to sleep.

But thank you and I will continue to look for help for myself and my children, work on becoming less dependent on him and separating myself.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.