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I too came from a huge Irish family and shared the same mode of honoring this day. My family did the same Holiday party again this year and thankfully today I did it differently,
Today I let them celebrate as they wanted to and I was able to do it differently I wore my green dress, went to the St Patrick's Day Parade here in NYC, ate corned beef and cabbage, listened to sad Irish Music with program friends .
We had fun and no one had a drink!!!
Great day
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 17th of March 2012 07:17:24 PM
St Pat's is hard for me. Coming from a HUUUGE Irish family, drinking was the main priority on this day for many years. I woke today and went for a walk, I let my kitties out in the sun. I just did things I wanted to do. I did think a few times about all my friends who are out in the chaos, wearing green, with their green tongues from drinking green beer. It sort of grosses me out now, though I used to do it. Its weird. Half of me feels sorrow over the loss of my friends, the closeness, being the life of the party, juke boxes, cigarettes and shades in the sun. Then the other part is so disgusted by it all. People dont see the destruction they are apart of. I have had so many people die in drunk driving accidents. I have had so many friends die from overdoses... all to this disease. I think this is just where I am right now, LIMBO... stuck between the life I had and the one I will have. Its an akward place to be but on regular days I am happy and free. Its days like today that I struggle. St.Patrick's Day. How many friends are talking about how I have changed??? Why does it matter??? I get to wake up tomorrow and feel great. I can do what I like with my day. Others will throw up, lay in bed all day, hide from the sun's rays, etc. Its hard when the people I love the most, my family and my best friends cannot relate to me. They do not understand I see things differently. I am ready to accept that it just is the way it is. I can no longer join them, I also cannot make them see what I see now. I am powerless over any mayhem that happens tonight to anyone I love. I am powerless over whether or not I will acquire a new group of friends who are on this plane I am on now. I am powerless over when/if the very sick ones will get help. I have control over my attitude. I am grateful I get the evening to do as I please and feel fine in the morning. I have control over who I surround myself with. I chose not to be in a stinky bar, with stinky people tonight. I choose to stop judging them because they dont know what I know. I choose to stop judging them because they are people I love and care about. I choose to be grateful I have the knowledge I do, a program to work, and a HP to hand it all over to. Thanks for reading.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I can totally relate. I am having some sadness about how much fun this day used to be for me and my AH before...before things got so much worse. This year it is just a day, which I am grateful for, but I am really challenged to just focus on just today. Sending you hugs and support.
Betty, do you see your family often. Every get together involves alot of drinking w my family. I am just wondering if you attend the events and not drink or... if you dont go at all. Its hard for me at times but I have to see my family, they are a part of me.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
For many years, I was uncomfortable at the gatherings. My family could not accept the new "improved" me It was not so much the not drinking that they noticed but that I no longer participated in the gossip, sarcasm ,character destruction that I once lead the pact in.
I would attend the functions, stay for a few hours , really work my program double time and they flee!!
It took a fw years and then some how I felt comfortable. Tthey accepted the new not so improved me and I can now attend, let them do their thing, and leave. It is now Ok I do not overstay my visits and always have a plan B
You are doing well trust the process and know that you will find your middle road.
hahaha. that's true. I was surprised how many people I encountered throughout the day who were not drunk or even drinking.. I did not even realize grocery stores are still open, the zoo, the parade is for kiddos, not drunkards...people continue about their day. so different on the other side. but it was so nice to be drama free and waking up today to a clear head to seventy degree weather and took a walk and prayed. it was nice. I am like a martian stuck between two planets or something. all with due time, I guess. thanks for writing to me, Mark, and everyone.. thank you.
-- Edited by Michelle814 on Sunday 18th of March 2012 01:01:11 PM
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Sending love and support so relate to the whole limbo issue :)
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Holidays take on different meanings the longer you are in recovery and this is true for all programs (AA, alanon, OA)... Whatever rituals you had surrounding holidays are blown to smithereens because you are in a program which involves total surrender and radical change. Gradually, you will set a new norm for yourself and you won't feel so out of place or awkward during holidays. What I have come to see over just 3 plus years in recovery is that indeed, most people do not get s##tfaced on St. Patrick's Day, and these other silly holidays. Most people either don't drink and don't do much of anything, or they go out and have ONE or TWO drinks in their green shirt or whatever. It was me and my ex that turned holidays into a big dramatic drunkfest. Go figure. Here's to you peace and serenity!
It was not so much the not drinking that they noticed but that I no longer participated in the gossip, sarcasm ,character destruction that I once lead the pact in.