The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am basically brand new to Al-Anon. I've been to 2 meetings locally and have read a little on here. And i guess I'm trying to figure out a way, or where, to get started.
I understand that I have no control over what my addict does. But yet, when it's a spouse, how can you have no expectations? I guess i'm wondering how some of you deal with this as obviously having some expectation is a setup for failure/resentment
I know for me it was hard to grasp at first because I grew up in a home where my mother was constantly telling my dad what to do and arguing with him over everything and my dad never did anything she asked and was always angry when the fights started again. I swore I would not be in a relationship like that and then I went ahead and married an addict. I nagged, complained, huffed/puffed, bossed, argued with..etc you know the drill. yet, none of that made any difference whatsoever.
I know now I have to focus on me. I have to get to my meetings, read my literature, surround myself with positive healthy people and find what makes me tick spiritually which is study groups for me. Trust me, I still care what happens with my husband but now I accept that I did not cause his disease, nor can I control or cure it. I leave it in his hands, and in his HP's hands. Our relationship is stronger now because of it. My husband has been in recovery for four months now. So we talk the same language and we can relate on a spiritual level. But if he slips back and is grasping to his old ways. I know I cant go there with him. I have to keep moving forward. That is where program friends and a sponsor come into play.
Its very hard and every day is progress,not perfection. I am healthier today than I was last week or the week before or the year before... but there are bad days and good days. At the end of the night I remember what Im grateful for and I go to sleep, knowing I get the chance to do better tomorrow. Step #1, I am powerless over alcohol, my life became unmanageable. I am powerless over so much. When I accept that and turn it over to God's will.. life is easier and happier for me.
Welcome and keep coming back!!
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I am glad you have found us and are attending meetings.
As you know alanon is a fellowship of people who have been affected by someone else's drinking. We connect in face to face meetings in order to break the isolation caused by living with this disease and to learn new tools of living
.
This program is not learned overnight and it is a process developed over time We begin at first by attending meetings and learn the concepts and attitudes. Some of these are:
: Having no expectations, Living one day at a time, Focusing on ourselves and trusting a Higher Power. We see and understand how these principles are helpful and important to develop.
Attending meetings on a regular basis working the Steps, using other alanon tools, reading alanon daily readers, soon enable us to put the above ideas into practice.
Be gentle with yourself and know that if you keep coming back you will find help and hope.
It sounds like a good start already, 2 meetings and checking in with us at MIP. The book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. I have ODAT, Hope for Today and Courage to Change which are daily readers, I bought for $5 each from face to face meetings. It is a process and is all about progress not perfection. Thanks for sharing and keep coming back. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I'm not sure i understand the whole "not having ANY expectations" part. In my situation I certainly have very specific expectations from my alcoholic bf. I think they fall in line with boundaries. Help me understand this...
