I wanted to share how I am healing today. Alanon has helped me redefine and define in new ways what recovery actually is.

For me, I am realizing how much recovery has to do with my attitudes. As I pay attention to my attitudes, I begin to see how in so many ways my attitudes hinder me.

A big barrier for me is that I have been a HUGE analyzer and planner, but I often create such grand plans that I am intimidated or discouraged by them. And, another huge barrier has been that I get focused on what other people could/should do to get better, have a better life. So, changing my attitudes and focusing on myself have been big steps in the right direction brought to me by Alanon :).

Several months ago at the gym, I wanted to see if perhaps, just maybe I could run. This is significant because I am significantly out of shape (getting better every day!) and significantly overweight (several hundred pounds). So, I kept an open mind! I tried it! And, it turned out, as I ran my first 30 seconds, I loved it. During my workout that day, I ran 4 x 30 seconds.

I didn't have a big plan, I didn't have big goals about 5ks or marathons. I just tried it and I liked it. I felt joyous running, so I kept building on that joy. I ran 1 minute, then 2, then 5, etc. I didn't have a big plan, just each time I went to the gym, I repeated what I had successfully done the time before or tried a new level.

Today, for the first time EVER, I ran 15 minutes continously. It's not just the running that is the victory, it's my attitude. I don't have any big plans right now about "where this running thing is going" -- I am just open to the process and deeply involved in the process of recoverying by strengthening and improving my physical health.

Alanon has taught me to pay attention to my attitudes, to pay attention to what I am telling myself. Doing this has shifted my attitude and has helped me gain new joy, a new path, new strengths. Yay! Recovery!