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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> pregnant and new to this..
Post Info TOPIC: pregnant and new to this..
storm


Newbie

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pregnant and new to this..
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i can't believe i am posting here, as this is all new to me and i'm a bit confused/lost as to where to start. first off, i'm 30 years old and 7 1/2 months pregnant with our first child. my significant other (sorry i dont know the lingo for this board yet), is 33 and has been struggling wtih depression for about 4 years, following an injury that put her out of work. she's had several surgeries so its been a very hard time for us. last year she took a turn for the worst.. started smoking in june and then the drinking started around august and has progressively gotten worse. this all started at the time i got pregnant, so its very very stressful to say the least. she drinks everyday, it used to be 1 bottle of wine a night but has now progressed to 2 bottles.. and in fact more rcently has turned into drinking starting in the early afternoon, and she now drinks hard liquor. she also takes xanex like candy. last month she went through her 90 pill refill in 1 week. this month, she got the refill on tuesday, we threw 30 away (agreement we made to try and wean her off), and she is down to only 7 left (out of 60). alcohol mixed with xanex is a mess. she is a mess. she turns mean, demanding, HORRIBLE. then she passes out and there's absolutely no waking her up.

i know this is long and i apologize. my biggest anxiety in all of this is that we have a newborn baby coming in just over 2 months.. i cry every single day, terrified of the future. i have horrible anxiety about the baby shower as my parents will be here and they do not know about her problem. i'm also terrified that i will go into labor and she will be passed out. she does not think she's an alcoholic, but i think she is on the slippery slope to becoming one. we fight all the time and i'm reaching out to you guys for assistance.. i have no idea how to handle someone with addiction. i will admit i am a controlling person, so i try to control her and help her get better, but it turns into an argument everyday. there are threats of breaking up always. i cant leave at this point but i sure wish i could at times. i love her but i feel like i can't handle it, especially with a baby on the way.. i'm at a total loss, ANY advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated!! thank you!



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Too hard


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Welcome to the Al-Anon board.

Sometimes life seems just too hard and this is one of those times for you.

You will get lots of loving encouragement and caring from members of Al-Anon here with information....not advice..... and sharing of experiences.

As the world turns, the northern hemisphere will awaken.  I have answered just now because I'm posting from Australia.  Sometimes you may find that your posts will not be answered for a few hours for the reason that many members are asleep!

Congratulations on your expecting your baby, you will be able to work out a plan.

Caring for you, T.H.

 

 

 



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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome  to Miracles in Progress Storm

It is certainly exciting to be expecting a new baby.  It is important for you to take care of yourself at this time 

Alanon is a fellowship of men and women who have been affected by someone else's drinking We share or experience , strength and hope in order to solve our common problem.

We believe that alcoholism is a disease and that by living with the disease and trying to control it, we have been infected by the disease and lost ourselves

Attending Alanon Face to Face meetings in your community will break the isolation, introduce you to new ways of expressing your -self and give you hope

We finally concede that we are powerless over others and their actions . We place the power back into our own hands and learn how to focus on ourselves and live happy productive lives even if the alcoholic continues to drink

Meetings in your community can be found at:this site:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Please keep coming back here you are worth it.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
GeneralLee


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I wish I could offer more than just telling you that I am so sorry you are going through this. Listen to Betty - thats the best advice I have because this is new to me as well.

There seems to be some wisdom in accepting that we are powerless over what others do as I have seen that posted by Ms. Betty and in other literature about alanon. Its a tough step to take.

One thing I am doing mentally to help me cope with my wife's latest relapse is to remember that I still love her and that I have to not worry about changing her behavior.

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Too hard


Senior Member

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Storm I omitted to give you info if you are in Australia.

www.al-anon.org/australia

National phone number 1300 252 666

Al-Anon members will answer this phone between 10am -2.45pm each business day.

Take care. You are worth it.

T.H.



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Tracy


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi

congratulation on your pregnancy a beautiful new baby.

Your baby is not hear yet so hopefully you have some time on your hands to get to an al anon meeting.  This is the best place for people who atr living with a problem drinker.

No one will tell you what to do, but they will share their experinces and things that have and have not worked for them.

 

The biggest thing that I have learned is that I can not change or fix another person.  I went to al anon for 18 months then my partner went to AA he still fights his addiction on a daily basis.  I have had to learn how to enjoy my life wheather he is drinking or not.  It has not been easy but I would not be living the life I am today without the help of people in al anon.

 

you are not alone reach out for help.

Hugs tracy xx



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Jennifer


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome Storm,

I'm sorry you are in a situation that contributes to the need to look for us but awfully glad you found MIP

Jen

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danni


Senior Member

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Welcome and Congratulations on your baby! I was also worried when I was close to delivering my son, now 2, that my husband wouldn't be sober or would be grossly hungover, so we had a "pact" that for the last three weeks he wouldn't drink, which of course he broke. Thankfully, he was there, but several months later (we also have a 5 yr old) the drinking was so upsetting to me that I finally went to a face to face meeting. I cannot tell express enough how amaizng the meetings have been. The support, especially as a tired mother of two young children, has been life changing. Phone calls for support (most meetings have phone lists) between meetings were so helpful, and I am grateful I eventually found this site as well. I am glad you found us here. There is help available, and you and your baby deserve it. The upset I was feeling at my husband's drinking was taking away from my enjoyment as a mother, and I am grateful to have been given the tools to enjoy what is mine to enjoy, regardless of whether my husband is drinking or not. you are in the right place. Sending you tremendous support.

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Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome to MIP and I am glad you found us. It takes courage to share here and I am glad you did. I hope you are able to make it to face to face Al-anon meetings in your area. I also recommend the book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. I am sending you love and support for you and the baby!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

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You could leave if you had to. But you don't want to. That is fine. It is just going to depress you more to view yourself as 100 percent trapped with no choices. She sounds way further along than "on the slope" to being an alcoholic. What you described is standard alcoholism and a significant amount of the time it does wind up being mixed with benzos (like xanax). If she is at all receptive to treatment then that is where she needs to go. You can die trying to wean off benzos and alchohol and she needs medical detox. You are in no position to be her addictions counselor. While she does that, you might get busy on your own alanon program and keep the focus on you and your baby.

In support,

Mark

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