The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the end Al-anon Headquarters was notified about the male sponsor of the al-ateen group and also told about the covering up going on by the women connected to the parent group. They are doing an investigation into it all, but with all the covering up, I don't hold much hope for a resolution in our favour. Hence, the cycle will continue. He admitted he can say inappropriate things, but there's only myself willing to put in an official complaint. Nothing will change (this reminds me of the Merry-Go-Round Brochure), as he prostrates himself and begs for mercy. This may be why I read on the aca forum a few years ago, that Lois (the original founder of al-anon), wanted to keep al-anon seperated from the aa group. She felt that we would mother them, which is what is happening here.
Long story short, I am still officially reporting the incident to the police, as they are concerned with his behaviour, both towards myself (and women in general) and also his behavour towards one of my daughters. My husband has spoken to them about it.
It's a shame, al-anon does not have better rules and protocols for handling incidences when they arise. I am closing the meeting I started and will not be attending anymore f2f meetings. Our children also won't be attending al-ateen anymore. My faith in the running of it all is at an all time low. Fortunately, my children have the option of on-line al-ateen meetings, as they grow older. As we live in a rural area, the next al-ateen meeting's about 2-3hrs away.
I am so sorry to hear about the situation you are dealing with I must have missed a post. One door closes another one opens it just happens to be hell in the hallway. I hope you will continue to post here online.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
tracey You are being so very strong and showing your children how to stand up for themselves in the face of unacceptable behaviour. I do hope the police can do better than the current investigation and show you and your kids that not everyone is too scared to be heard.
You helped me so much in my recent incident with reporting to the police, and I am here supporting you 100% with this decision too.
Pushka the thread was from about a month ago. Lots have happened since then, I just couldn't post it on here. Linda has been a constant support through the whole thing. So much so, she's probably sick of hearing about it. Thank you for listening Linda.
I wanted to also make a correction to what I mentioned earlier about what Lois had said. This is the post from the aca site. I printed it out.
"A million years ago when I was an young person in AA and Alanon and ACoa I used to hang out at a diner on west 23rd street which was patronized by a whole cluster of 12 steppers, who would literally take over the diner for the "meeting after the meeting". Most notable, was Lois W...
Whenever Lois would come into the diner she always seemed to accumulate and attract the "young people" around her who she called her "young chicks"...
At one of these coffee klatches, I distinctly remember Lois making the following comments....
She felt very strongly against AA's(men) in Alanon because more often than not they were predator types cruising the rooms of Alanon looking to 13 step weak, co-dependant women.
She also felt that ACoA should be a separte free-standing 12 Step program because she was concerned that the "Alanon Smother Mothers" wouldn't be able to take the fact that ACoAs were just as angry at "Mom" as they were at "Dad", and in many cases "Mom" was just as much a perpetrator as "Dad"... and that in retaliation the "Smother Mothers" would try to "shut down" and "stifle" the ACoAs....
Lois was very adamant about this, in fact she even made these and similar statements about keeping ACoA out of Alanon at least 2 Alanon World Conferences in the early 1980s that I remember.
As soon as Lois died, of course the Alanon "Smother Mothers" made a real take-over bid for the ACoA meetings and hijacked ACoA... The real reason for this only came out much later of course....
Alanon had always been badly managed and was always on the verge of bankruptcy...Every year Lois would always bail-out Alanon financially from the money she got from Bill's royalties from the sale of the AA big book....
When Lois died, that gravy train dried up from the AA Big Book sale, and Alanon was in a grave financial crisis, so they went on a manic recruiting drive and overhaul to hijack ACoA."
For myself, I've found this Tony's letter interesting in many different ways.
