The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been reading this board religiously since last Friday, and it is amazing how much I can relate to the stories on this board. It is like alot of you are in my house and talking about my AH. I never realized until going to this board how sure I am that he has a problem. I have been struggling with this nagging feeling that he has a drinking problem for about 10 years now. We have been married for 5 years and together almost 15 years. For years, I have been making excuses for him and being embarrased by his bahavior when we were out in public or with friends/family. I kept thinking that he was just a bad drunk because he does not drink every single day or that he was just immature. I thought maybe he was just an idiot. I thought maybe I am overreacting because he doesn't drink during the week alot...he just likes to have fun on the weekends. I thought he will grow out of this (he is 30 now!). After dealing with him the past few weeks when he has called off work, had our son too close to the fire pit because he was drunk, drunk at his dad's (his parents are worried about his drinking too) house while he was supposed to be responsible for our kids, me and the kids going home alone from our friend's house because he wanted to stay and drink more and all the while taking absolutely no responsibility for those actions and in fact actually being angry at me because, well, I really don't know why he is so mad at me. It is time for me to STOP doubting myself and stop letting him make me think that I am overreacting and he has no problem. I want to thank you all for helping me to have the confidence to actually believe in my gut feeling and starting to learn what to do about it. I know I still have alot to work through in my head, but I feel like I may just be on the right path.
I was where you were 15 years ago. My AH and I are coming up on our 30th anniversary. It started out slowly- just a couple of times every month or two on the weekends. He didn't drink at home, unless we were entertaining. He would tell me that he liked to drink, but that he didn't have a problem. He liked the way it made him feel- beer helped him to relax.
Fast forward to the present. He's had two DUIs in the time we've been married. He almost lost his legs last year due to untreated diabetes which is a result of his alcoholism. His once every couple of month binges turned into binges every weekend, as well as binges on some weeknights too. He lost his job, our house, the respect of our kids, and now me. We've been separated for almost a year. I started going to Al-Anon meetings three years ago, and it saved me. I was scared and had lost hope. Now I have found peace. He continues to drink, but I am getting better every day.
I hope that you will check out an Al-Anon meeting in your area. You will find support and help there from those who share or have shared your same journey. There is hope for today.
Dear Frustrated, you are not alone. I did not know when I married my husband that he had addiction issues. Fast forward 5 years into our marriage and I found out his issues (or you could say he was 'outed' due to some extreme behavior that got him into trouble and he had to tell me), fast forward another 3 years and we have been struggling with his sobriety. He never drank daily either, it was more episodic in that we could go months with smooth sailing and then WHAM he would go off the rails and it was usually explosive. He has been in therapy, AA, and continually tries to maintain his sobriety, it has not stuck yet. This board was a lifesaver for me, because I too would often think I was crazy and due to the sporadic nature of his disease made it harder for me to come to the conclusion that yes, he was an alcoholic and an addict, and that I didn't cause it and couldn't control it. Keep coming back, find f2f meetings if you can and know we are all pulling for you. You will not find a group of more supportive, understanding and awesome people than you will find on this site. Hugs and prayers. sg
Hi and welcome. I was in a remarkably similar situation a few years ago. I married my AH 5 years ago and there were no signs of a drinking problem. Fast forward a few years and it progressed into full blown alcoholism. It doesn't happen overnight, and that's the tricky thing. But it I too put off thinking it was a real issue until it slapped me in the face. He lost a lot - we remain close but are separated, and he lost his job. On the positive side he is doing reasonably well now with 6+ months sobriety and regularly attending AA. But he basically had to fall flat on his face and his nervous system almost gave out before this happened. I do hope you can let go of the feelings of doubt and realize that you didn't cause it, you can't control it and can't cure it. Alanon teaches us that as well as how to take care of ourselves in seemingly unmanagable situations. Wishing you lots of support and esh, nyc
