Hi Pashay,

I am a widow of alcohol addiction and wanted to let you know that sadly, there are others who understand your feelings. I have interacted with many here, but also participate in another online support group for those who have lost their beloved too young. There is also a special section for those who have lost their beloved to addiction or psychiatric disorders. I'll send you a pm with the details for that website in case it is helpful.

My husband, Stephen, died at 49 years of age over two years ago from chronic late stage alcoholism. He fought with his addiction for around seven years before it took his life. He was a very sweet man, totally consumed by the addiction. We were very close throughout his illness, although there were times when I had trouble detaching with love.

One of the issues I dealt with was the feelings of guilt that perhaps "I" didn't do enough to help him, save him etc. But I've learned in the rooms of alanon that this wasn't my job - this important work belonged to my AH and his Higher Power. I type these words so easily now, but the lesson came from years of trying to do everything I could to stand in the way of his illness taking it's ultimate toll. Time and time again I learned through failed attempts that I am not his HP, I am not that strong and there was nothing "I" could do.

I hope you continue to reach out for support in the rooms of alanon and that you get some help in dealing with your grief - if your journey is like mine, then it was clear I couldn't do it alone.

Take care, Rocky