The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For some time my youngest son has put me through hell on earth. It came to a head today when he told me he was moving out and I told him to go right on ahead. I have never felt such relief in my life. He is running with a problem crowd and has not made it to school in the last six months so its been a rough one. My father has enabled his behaviour by throwing money at him. I wish my son well and will pray for him. However, I am done, I have learnt so much from this programme and though I flipped out at his drugged out drunk friends today, and their made up shack in a bog. I rang my sponsor and she reckoned I am human, not necessarily right, but human. People keep saying to me 'oh he will come to his senses etc' I think I have come to my senses and refuse to buy into this manipulative unhealthy behaviour. I am a double winner so this growth did not come easy. The ability to hand it over has become an hourly request at times. The bad behaviour always got worse when I was away working and felt totally helpless and worried out of my mind. The restraint his father showed was remarkable and commendable. I stayed cool as he packed and we courteously dropped his items at my fathers who has agreed to store them for him. Most us all we stuck together, had huge respect for each other and let our sick son go, heartbreaking but necessary.
Tough but sounds like the right direction. He still may come to his senses, could be a week or years but that sentiment doesn't mean you have to participate in the sickness now. Hugs, I hope I can be this strong if I am.faced with the same in my future. And we sure do get to be human!
It's a very hard thing to send a child out into the world when he needs so much guidance. If I could put my son in his pack and play, I would, but he's now a young adult with addictions. I struggle every day to love him and leave him be. Last summer that meant out on the curb after he refused to keep to our agreement of no drugs or alcohol while he lived in my house. He was furious and I wept as he drove away. Months later, he told me it was the first time I stood up to him and that helped. He just left after a week's visit. There was peace between us. He was sober and I kept my serenity the entire time. The first for both of us in a very long time.
