The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"If [character defects] contributed to our health and happiness, we would not have come to such a state of desperation."Basic Text pg. 34Getting started on the Sixth and Seventh Steps isn't always easy. We may feel as though we have so much wrong with us that we are totally defective. We might feel like hiding under a rock. Under no circumstance would we want our fellow addicts to know about our inadequacies.
######ROSIE......i felt i was so screwed up there was NO hope....i almost gave up....too much wrong with me , i thought.....well if someone empowered by satan can make me so sick....i must trust/believe that i, who am empowered by God, can make me well....so i face my defects ONE by ONE....ONE day at at time...thats all i can do, otherwise i would be overwhelmed......sometimes i want to curl up in my bed and not come out.......i don't care if my fellows in group know about my defects, honesty is the only way i am going to get rid of them/ heal and change....and , besides...none of us are healed, otherwise, we would not be here, we would be on the tennis/ golf courts......
We will probably go through a time of examining everything we say and do in order to identify our character defects and make sure we suppress them. We may look back at one particular day, cringing at what we're certain is the most embarrassing thing we've ever said. We become determined to be rid of these horrible traits at all costs. But nowhere in the Sixth or Seventh Steps does it say we can learn to control our defects of character. In fact, the more attention we focus on them, the more firmly entrenched they will become in our lives. It takes humility to recognize that we can't control our defects any more than we can control our addiction. We can't remove our own defects; we can only ask a loving God to remove them.Letting go of something painful can be as difficult as letting go of something pleasant. But let's face it - holding on is a lot of work. When we really think about what we're holding onto, the effort just isn't worthwhile. It's time to let go of our character defects and ask God to remove them.Just for today: I'm ready to have my defects removed. I will let go and allow a loving Higher Power to care for me.
#######ROSIE.....i am just working my program/ doing all the sugesstions and when/if i find yet another defect, i share it/ talk about it/ work the steps on it....give it to God.....at NO time has my HP ever been *down on me* for injuries caused by another.....my problems had his name on them..............the solution has my name on it.....as long as i am willing to / and working on my defects, i dare ANYone to come against me for having them.....at least i am honest about them/ work on them/ and do my best to either get rid of them or manage them...thats all i can do........i had to admit my defeat b4 i could accept to surrender......i am POWERLESS over my defects, so i surrender them to my HP......i cannot remove/control them on MY will.......only my *christ within* can do it......right now i feel like i am standing between 2 countries........the one i WANT to leave so bad........the new one that i want to embrace so bad, but is so strange/ even scary ........so yeah, i am feeling kind of strange.....leaveing the old comfortable misery for what????? its gotta be better, but so foreign........so yeah, pain of debriding all the dead/infected tissue of my life that was so much a part of me so new good healthy tissue can grow on in its place..........i remember when i got my tooth pulled.....i was in the dentists chair, and i felt him pull and rock and pull and finally the old dead thing came out.....i felt kinda sad it was no longer a part of my body, and i have this bleeding gaping hole to show for it....i took it home as a suvenier, and looked at this part of me that was no more a part of me......as my hole healed and i was able to chew on that side for along time in ages, i thought "wow, i needed to do it"........well here i am in the "dentist chair of life" i KNOW the worst is over, HP is hanging onto the *bad tooth* he just pulled....i know the worst is over, but i am still in the dentist chair for the *follow up* work.....thats how i feel now..........TODAY i ask my HP "remove all the dead junk from my life as fast as you know i can take it and stay by my side as i " feel the shock of excorsising" and go through the healing process.....thank you ROSIE"......
It was always my experience that anytime there is deep level growth involved there is going to be a deep level of pain. Whenever I think of the 6th step, I think of what I was told when I finished my 5th step and was preparing to go on to step 6: "These character defects are indicative of a way of life that justified, excused, rationalized, or otherwise hid your former life [which, like yours, included substance abuse]. If you are fully ready to begin a new life, with your HP as your guide, then you are also entirely ready to have your HP remove your character defects." She then handed me a $5 bill, and said, "If not, you know what to do with this." I was totally ready to surrender my old way of life, so I later pocketed that $5 bill and used it for gas. To me, the 6th step asks me to acknowledge that my innermost self is a destructive force on the universe, and I am willing to, under the guidence of an infinately loving HP, to be guided to a self that is loving to the universe.
When I came to the 7th step, I came to the understanding that I came to in the chapter "how it works:" that a HP can do for me what I cannot do for myself. But what seperated step 6 from step 7 was that step 6 is that I need to ask God as I understand her to recover my character short comings; step 7 is the actual asking.
So, yes, rose light, letting go of my character defects hurts. But I was reassured by old timers that 1) nature abhors a vacuum. I would not be the "hole in the doughnut" I had often heard of and feared. The character defects would be replaced--in God's time it was emphasized--with character assets that would guide me into a better level of service toward the God of my understanding. 2)I would no longer need to define myself by my past, what "had been done TO me, BY me, or FOR me," and that I would be able to create new memories that were full of laughter, tears, and friends. 3)These 2 steps, like steps 1/2/3/10/11/12, are called daily steps because they are done on an on going basis for my lifetime of recovery.
