New to this - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

New to this

dave · Newbie

Not sure what to say worried about my wifes drinking, every night... I beg for her to have breaks, but she rarely does.. (seemingly not massive amounts what I know), but I have found spirits watered down and wine bottles hidden...

We are arguing over this every day and it is putting massive strain on marriage...

Sometimes think i am being unreasonable asking her to go a few days with no drink.. hmm

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

Dave, welcome to MIP! You're in the right place and I'm glad you found us, although sorry for the situation that brought you here. You've gotten some really good ESH from hotrod. I believe that alcoholism is a disease, not a failure of morals or willpower. I also believe (as studies have shown) that it is progressive. I knew my A drank when we first met. We both did. We would go to hear live music at a bar and have a couple of beers. But after a few years he was drinking at home, by himself and I began to be concerned. I did everything I could to keep him from drinking. But it did no good. I finally realized that I am powerless over his choices and decisions. The biggest thing I learned from alanon was the three C's- I didn't CAUSE it, I can't CONTROL it, and I can't CURE it. Please stick around and read other posts here. There is so much to be learned. And learning about this disease does make it a little easier to live with. Keep coming back.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Dave...it's good you dropped by and I hope you stick around and keep and open mind. The suggestion for face to face Al-Anon meetings is what works for me also. I also have been married to addicted women and alcoholism and drug addiction means looking for something sane and normal is a oxymoron...it doesn't happen. The white pages of your local telephone book has the hotline number to the Family Groups in your area...call it and find out where and when we meet in your area. Keep coming back here also. Prayers for both of you...the disease is progressive and fatal if not arrested by total abstinence. She's gonna drink and you have to decide on something for yourself... We are here for you cause we've been where you are at now ourselves.

Keep coming back ((((hugs)))) smile

Dolly Llama · Senior Member

Dave, if begging were a sport, I'd have a gold medal. :) You can't reason with alcoholism. And there are no words you could say to get her to quit. I wish there were.

What worked for me was to stop begging and start establishing boundaries. Someone once described the concept of boundaries as- if you are a nightclub, boundaries are the rules to get in. What do *you* need? If you don't want to see your wife drinking, then don't. Get out of the house and do something else. She is going to do what she's going to do...and you don't have to be around it. You really don't.

I found that nagging, begging, and pleading with my alcoholic husband only gave him one more thing to feel ashamed about (that his drinking was affecting me in a negative way)...and my H deals with shame by...yup...drinking. So in a way, my begging only fed into his addiction.

I would suggest going to a meeting as well. You don't have to say anything.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.