The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello, I've just joined even though I've been reading off and on for awhile. Thank you for the encouraging words I've read. I've been going to face-to-face meeting for about 20 months but I need something for when I can't make it or chaos breaks out at home.
So, recovering AH and I have been fighting again, the better part of this week. Every time we disagree he brings up my program and how if "you were doing it right, you wouldn't have this problem." He's complaining because I've had a hard time finding a sponser to whom I can relate so I don't have one. Now tonight he's saying it's might fault because I should have divorced him when he was drinking, "any sane person whould have". Ugh, I'm tired of him trying to run my recovery and wish he'd just focus on his own.
Thanks for listening/reading. I feel better already knowing that others understand.
I am glad you decided to share the journey. The first few years of recovery are difficult and I that is why attending alanon Face to Face meetings are so important.. It is great that you have found meetings and are attending.
I always found that I should let my husband share his AA program with his fellowship and that I would share my program with my fellowship. Selecting a sponsor is difficult and just knowing that you are looking is the most important .
As for what you should have done while he was drinking--- Please remember that living with this disease causes everyone to become infected by the "ISMs" I know that I stayed in my marriage for many reasons: I was fearful of leaving and most importantly I believed that I should honor my marriage vows.. That is a choice I do not regret . You do not have to discuss the past choices.
Keep the focus on yourself, live one day at a time and trust HP
Thanks, Betty. Yes, the reasons I stayed in the marriage are not as black and white as he wants to make them out to be. I've heard from others that it takes time for the recovery to get easier. It just hurts when he acts like he is now perfect and everything is my problem. I know it's the disease and the alcoholic's distorted thinking, but it still hurts. I do try to stay out of his recovery process, sometimes I do think "He should do this or that" but I bite my tongue because I can't control his recovery or lack of.
Sounds like he's digging in his toolbag, and the only thing he can find is verbal abuse. Which is not a tool but a weapon. Verbal abuse is when someone tells a lie about you, to you. He's calling you insane and that you can't do anything right. I would suggest keeping your recovery private from him. He doesn't understand it and is not supportive.
Thanks, I do try to keep my recovery private and get rather vague if he asks direct questions. I think it annoys him that I do but honestly, I don't trust him with my innermost, private self at this point. Maybe someday I will again but not right now.
