The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi, i'm new here and trying to keep or should i say regain my sanity. I broke up with my abf even though i still call him my bf. its been three weeks and yesterday and the day before are the only days we havent fought. about a week ago i told him to no longer text or call me when he was intoxicated. he is both an alcoholic and coke addict. He is stuck in another state due to probation for a dwi and has been there more than a year during which time his using has increasingly gotten worse and has been dangerously unbearable since i left him. I am going to be moving hopefully next week to a town he refuses to live in and have a year lease. I guess we will see what happens but that gives him a year to get his xxxxx together while i try to do the same. I am a big time enabler.. I used to go out with him or buy him beer to "keep him safe from driving intoxicated" I have to focus on me and my son. I have to get me better. i need strength. ive known him my entire life and miss the non drinking non using man that i once knew. I have been to three alaonon meetings online and am scared but gonna go to a f2f tonight as long as they will allow my son to attend with me. I am bipolar with generalized anxiety and have a fear of being in new places with new people. I'm not sure how to work the steps and i wont have money till next month because of the move to buy literature. I'm hoping to find a sponsor that can guide me. Idk if thats the right motives or not but i cant do this alone. I need support and everyone not dealing with this kind of thing in their lives around me just tell me to leave him and forget him. I love him and cant seem to do that. I am proud of myself however because he asked for money to get home yesterday and i did not give in. told him i could not send him money. so if he wants to get home he will have to do it on his own. He's not used to that cuz ive sent him money almost every month since he's left state. ok well meeting is gonna start soon so im gonna go. hugs everyone
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 9th of March 2012 09:23:54 AM
I am so glad you found this Board and have decided to give Face to Face meetings a try Please do not worry about not having money for literature. Some pamphlets are free and many cost less than $1.00 . Usually the beginners package is given free to newcomers.
In any case I am so impressed that you are willing to find a sponsor and work the program so as to take care of yourself.
You can find meetings in your community at this site.
First off, good job on setting BIG boundaries first time. The steps to learning boundaries are often paved with big swings. Sometimes we set giant ones to protect us, sometimes we forget some we need, sometimes we hit the mark right on. It's a learning process and pat yourself on the back.
Telling him not to contact you intoxicated, good boundary. Make him keep it. If he DOES contact you IGNORE IT. Any response, even "I told you not to xyz" will encourage him to break that boundary.
Moving away to give space, excellent second boundary and will allow you to work on yourself. I have done so much of my best work on me single :) I highly recommend it!
I'm new here too but not new to this process. Welcome from another newbie!
Hi jlove, and welcome. It sounds like you are off to a good start. But we all have times when we need extra strength and support. This place is full of wisdom, strength, and support whenever you need it. I'm glad you found us, keep coming back.
