The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Not wanting to tell everyone my whole life story but I have been thinking about a lot of things both good & bad about myself & I don't really like who I have become over the years as I am not sure how I can change the behaviors & move on!
I have a long list of character defects that sometimes are so obvious that I have to deal w/ them whether I like it or not. I am the biggest procrastinator! I put off so much stuff that the whole thing is pilling on top of me! I know that I can do better. Once I start feeling better I say to myself. I know that if I do something, I will feel better!
So when I am ready & back on here, I hope to have something accomplished as I do feel better. I am not in as much pain or am struggling as much w/ me!
You're in good company! It's so easy for me to get overwhelmed, too! Usually, I get a small push from a friend and break things down into bite-sized pieces. I am also working hard to change things about myself that I don't like; I can start over as many times as I need to- Alanon has taught me that I am not perfect. Working ODAAT and glad you are here.
I can relate. I spent the longest time feeling like that. I wondered if I would ever come out of that place. My husband also wondered if I would either but he was very gentle with me. Then suddenly something happened. I think for me it was when I really let go and let God. I was just so exhausted all of the time and felt like I was tired of fighting myself and beating myself up. I started loving myself and treating myself like the same way I would treat a little child who was learning. It is still a work in progress but it is changing. Now I am doing things like working in an office, interacting with more people, reaching out to friends. And actually having FUN! I can't believe it still! I still screw up a lot though. Today I had a moment I wasn't very proud of at all but I love what Bud says when he said "I can start over as many times as I need to-Alanon has taught me that I am not perfect". That was so good to hear. Be extra gentle with yourself and thanks for sharing your journey.
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It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
