Great share, usedtobe! Just what I needed to hear this morning. I'm getting better at not letting the "what" get to me too much, and I'm better at accepting that things are either happening or their not (drinking, drinking and driving, lying about whereabouts, etc.). But I have a much harder time letting go of the "why." Several people here have encouraged me to stop focusing on the "why," because it doesn't matter one bit WHY my AH lies to me, or won't give me hugs, or is emotionally abusive. Co-dependents, I think, tend to use the examination of "why" as a way to place some or all of them blame on themselves. Part of me still feels like if I understood why my AH does these things, I could behave differently, and he would stop doing them. As I sit here this morning, I can see how ridiculous that is. But it does take over my mind sometimes. Bottom line: it doesn't matter if I understand why; it is what it is regardless. Add to that the fact that alcoholism is not a rational, reasonable disease and there really is no readily understandable "why" for the situation, and there is my own insanity staring me right in the face. Gotta let go of the "why."

Thanks again, usedtobe.

My wise old sponsor, who was "Zen-like without the softness", used to tell me all the time:

 

"it is neither good nor bad, it simply IS"

 

Touche

Tom