The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been so proud of myself over the last few days; I've shaken off the negativity I had for weeks. I'm being much gentler with myself, and less judgmental of my AH.
My worst time of day is always right now...I've been at work for a couple of hours, I know my AH is oversleeping and thus not taking care of the things he says he will take care of. I do start to feel resentful for awhile, about all the things he used to do, all the affection he used to show me, all the ways he used to be a kind and loving partner. I remind myself that I cannot go to the hardware store to buy bread, and then I get resentful because when we got married, the store was a bread store! That hardware store came in and took over 2 years ago, and changed the inventory, after I'd bought a lifetime membership to the bread store.
Fortunately, I'm getting much better at calming myself down. I accept these episodes as anxiety and stress that I am entitled to feel, but that I must not allow to ruin my day/life. I try to focus on the things I have to feel grateful for (my health, beautiful kids, a job in this terrible economy, a brother who survived a horrific car accident, and now a bigger home that I am sure will make it easier for me to stay detached and maintain my serenity).
And I come here, to read and feel lifted up and supported.
Oh boy can I relate. When I met my AH, the store had not only bread but plenty of delicious sweet pastries! About 3 years ago it was respossessed by a hardware store. While he has 6 months sobriety, I still wonder if the bread store will ever be back or if its permanently been replaced. Harnessing my resentments has been a big issue. I caught myself this weekend - I was ever so close to lashing out at him, but I remembered Jerry's post about slogans. I just reminded myself over and over "don't react," "easy does it," "this too shall pass." I keep having to practice that, but boy it helps. Sounds like you are doing well. Keep up the good work!
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
When I look back at my exAH... I'm not so sure he ever was the "bread store". More like a hardware store that had the odd intention of supplying bread but eventually gave up on it because it just didn't fit. But boy was I ever determined to go back there because when it did serve bread, it was pretty darn good.
Hehe..... I smiled throughout reading this thread....
I mean, I know it's serious and everything, and we are all frustrated with the whole alcoholism/addiction thing, but sometimes, you almost have to take a step back, and giggle at ourselves....
Here we are - hoping/praying/demanding that a sick, irrational, and emotionally stifled individual (aka our A's) are going to be healthy, rational, and emotionally available to us....
Glad you are finding a healthy, safe place to reclaim your sanity.... :)
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
What a great analogy. I too married the bread store and it was superseded by the hardware store. soemtimes we go and visit the bakery though.
That beautiful smell of the fresh bread... the soft loaves and the wonderful flavour. Ohhh what lovely treats are in the bakery. I too was a bakery, as was my husband.
Then the first tool came into the bakery. I picked up that tool and began to bash with it. The destructive hammer. I often wonder what would have happened if I hadn't picked up that hammer to start with. If I accepted that sometimes, a hammer can come in handy in a bakery. After all, there is machinery that bakes that beautiful bread and sometimes its damaged. Now a hammer is not the most appropriate tool to fix a bread maker, but maybe the baker doesn't understand how to fix the broken bit and the hammer is all he has.
Anyway, I did pick up the hammer and before you know it, I was telling him how destructive his damned hammer was and how useless it was to us. Before you knew it, the whole hardware store had moved in and there I was wondering where that sweet smelling bread had gone.
Whats my part in this. I participated in the hardware take over. I stopped baking bread and kept inventoring the hardware instead.
Where does that leave me now? Between a bakery and a hardware store Im afraid.
