I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm glad you have found us.  I hope you'll find a face-to-face meeting too.  They say to try six because they're all different.  We need all the support we can get to handle these situations.

The sad truth about interventions is that they do not have a great rate of success.  They often (not always) succeed in getting the person into rehab, but for rehab to work, the person has to want it to succeed.  That is most often achieved when the alcoholic "hits bottom" or realizes himself that his life has become out of control and unmanageable and that something has to change.  Until they get to that point, they don't see that they have a problem.  Even when they do get to that point, addiction is so strong that it's a struggle to stay sober and in recovery.  But the chances are greatly minimized when the person feels cornered into rehab instead of going by his own free will.  I know that feeling, that your husband's sister has, of desperately wanting the alcoholic to get some help.  (It sounds as if she could benefit from Al-Anon too).  But there are the Three C's: You didn't Cause it, you can't Cure it, you can't Control it.  If we could persuade alcoholics to stay sober, there would be no alcoholics left in the world.  But unfortunately, they are the only ones who have any control over their decisions.  This is the case even without someone who has paranoia or control issues.  Adding those in makes the situation even more complicated.

Your husband sounds as if he is in quite an alarming state and I'm glad you're protecting yourself.  Your kids are lucky to have you in the face of this terrible situation with their dad.  He may well think and promise that he will stop drinking on his own -- from what I've seen, every alcoholic believes he can do it -- but addiction is very, very strong.  It addles their thinking so they still think they have control over it even when it's clear to anyone that they don't.  Giving up drinking is not an overnight thing -- it takes alcoholics a year or more to get on an even keel and relearn life without the crutch of alcohol.  And as you say, even if he were able to be sober, there are the other problems of rage and paranoia.  Those may be caused by alcohol (which can cause all kinds of damage), or they may be underlying problems that he's "medicating" with alcohol.  Either way it sounds clearly like something that is beyond a regular person's capacity to diagnose or handle.

I hope you can stick around these boards, read all you can, learn about alcoholism and recovery, find meetings and eventually a sponsor, get the literature and read that, and start your own recovery.  Alcoholism sucks us into the insanity so that we need our own programs.  I hope you'll stick around.  Hugs.

I must respond to this.  While your husband is abusing alcohol, it is apparent he has much more going on than just this addicition.  It appears to be self medicating, which is common.  What is not common, is the severe paranoia you describe.  As a medical professional who works in the mental health setting on occasion and as a woman who has a mil with this mental illness, I deal with it on a regular basis. 

I very much sounds like your husband has schizophrenia.  While it is fine for you to learn the tools we have to offer here, it will not help protect you and your family in a crisis.  You just described a crisis.

I suggest, looking up mental health services in your area and going to speak with someone who can give you guidance and steps to put a plan in to place for protection.  I have no doubt he loves you and he is sorry.  An intervention which is costly will most likely be unsuccessful.  He first has to want it, and 2nd, it is not designed to deal with underlying mental illness.  I liken this to, if you have diabetes, you would not go to a urologist to help you control your disease.

It is interesting, my own family.  While my mother in law will openly talk about her illness, and has shown me her medical records...the rest of the family was "shcoked" when I said, "she is schizophrenic.  This is what schizophrenics do and belittling them, ridiculing them, making fun of them and arguing with them does not help but only exacerbates the situation.  However, the look of shock when I said the "word", as if it was something I was making up was a surprise.

I suggest a movie with Dustin Hoffman, "A Beautiful Mind".  It poignantly shows these lovely people and humanizes what it is they are living with.  For instance, those who are diagnosed with this disease are known to be highly intelligent.

Best regards as you navigate this.  Do Not go this alone.  IF you find family support going against you, kindly remove yourself from it while you continue in a direction to have an advocate for you and your family.  Also, keep coming back here.  The tools here will definately help and it is great to have friends at your quick disposal who really will love and accept you where you are.

God Speed.  Oh!  Do you work outside of your home?  If so, most companies offer counseling services that are confidential.  This may also be an avenue to open door of the appropriate services and help you need.

Do, keep us posted.  I know it is a lot to absorb.  Take your time.  Digest what you can.  Mental illness is dear to my families heart.  And, at the heart of it is the dignity of the one afflicted and compassion and understanding towards those who bear the brunt of it.

The only thing to fear, is fear itself.  Educating yourself is empowering. 

I agree about intervention rarley works , one of our drug and alcohol counclors in my area said they take a lot of time to plan and are rehearsed over and over again , if there is one weak link in the family * a family member who is not strong enough to really say how they feel * the disease will find them and the disease will win one more time . Please find meetings for yourself this is a progressive disease and it only gets worse you need support from people who understand exactly how you feel . You cannot fight this disease alone .. Louise