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I am struggling tonight because I miss my parents and siblings. I really miss them but at the same time being around them makes me not feel so good and I am really working on recovery and making progress and finding some serenity. There has been very minimal contact with my sibings and no contact with my parents for a while now. It is hard because I feel as if I have to walk on eggshells around them. So I tried to call my sister a couple of times the other day and left a message and she never called back. So tonight I texted her telling her about my sons b-day party coming up and the details of that...no response. My husband told me that I was being pretty straight forward in the text and it may have come across cold. Am I being cold here? I will admit that I am frusterated that I always make the effort with my sisters and I have to be very careful that I never say anthing that they don't agree with. It is really hard to be myself around them but I love them you know. I know I need to keep the focus on me here. Yes, in the past I have been way overly sweet and always trying to sugar coat everything. Now with this program I am learning that I can be myself but I am wondering if my sisters are just going to think I am even more the wrong one in the family. All my life I have always waited on everyone and I just can't do that anymore but I am tending to start the worrying/mind reading thing and I know that is not healthy so I need to stop that. I just need some ES&H so I stop the mind twirling of if they are mad at me again. I want to be in their lives but I don't know how to make that work and stay in a healthy place especially since I am the only one in the family who is not in denial that alcohol is a huge problem. I say this in love and care for them...I want them to be okay. But I know I have to stay in my own hula hoop.
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It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
Sister this might not be the easiest Al-Anon philosophy to swallow but for me when I was in that crystal ball, fortune telling, thought projecting habit of trying to figure out what they.... I learned this, "What anyone else thinks of me is none of my business". When I finally accepted and swallowed that as being truthful and useable I discovered I had some much more time on my hands for me or a real relationship or just fun. It's none of my business.
ooooh...that's a tough one. accepting that we can't control what other people think of us and can't control their responses--especially when the non-response is making us uncomfortable. I try remembering "live and let live" and trusting that when and if the time is right, things will naturally and more easily unfold...emphasis on LIVE. What am I going to do with the gift of this day to make myself content and happy--without needing others to make me feel better? Easy does it. I know how those obsessive thoughts and worries can take over, so I am sending you support!
Personally, while I understand to a degree Jerry's comments., I think you are talking about good old fashioned courtesy and manners. Something that is going by the way side in our culture and being accepted as "normal". Frankly, I will not side my self with people who are rude and lacking in basic courtesy. It IS courtious to respond to invitations. "No thank you, we will be unable to attend", to "We are trying to work it in our schedule", or "Yes! We'd Love to come celebrate!" VS the rudeness of the "me only" generation that I am witnessing.
I could care less what "they" whoever "they" may be thinks of me, but I do care about displaying some class. Which lack of says, "I", my own personal little god, is the center of the universe and to heck with you. I'll let you know if I will grace you with my big head or not.
Sorry you have to wait on them. You are right. This Is sad. Life is too short.
I can relate because now that I have my blinds pulled up from over my eyes I can see the sneaky little web addiction has weaved in my family. I guess my thoughts on this are different. I feel pretty grateful that for whatever reason I was shown the other side of this stuff. I don't know why me but I was nudged in the direction and I followed. I now have faith in a power greater than myself and I believe that this power that I choose to call God shows us what we need to see when we are ready to see it. My family members, for whatever reason, don't see it. Maybe they never will. I can't say what will come. But I can see why I am the way I am now and awareness is key.. now I can move to acceptance. i am so grateful I found a different way to live. It is hard for me sometimes b/c I want to shake my family members "cant you see cant you see" but they cant just as I could not see it before. So all I can do it leave it up to God and put the people I love in His care... in the process allowing me to worry less about what they are thinking of my new way of life and just smother them in unconditional love. Every situation is different, this is just my experience. Thinking of you daisy!!!
-- Edited by Michelle814 on Tuesday 28th of February 2012 07:34:49 AM
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Such love and support here. I love the quote "What other people think of me is none of my buisness" I have told myself that a lot lately, Thanks Jerry!
And I also LOVE the "Live and let live" slogan as well...especially lately.
So my sister did call me the other day and she told me that she has just been sad that our family seems to be falling apart and she wished things were the way they used to be. She was so sad and crying (which I have never really heard her cry like that on the phone) She shared her heart and it was so touching. I did my best in listening to her and telling her how I loved her.
I do really wish things were different but things are the way they are and I have to take care of me. I am learning that I can still love them and take care of myself. For a long time I have thought I had to stay completely away but now with alanon and all the support with the program I see that the tools I am learning will help me to be much kinder, more accepting, and gracious to them and even being around them. I feel a little bad for cutting things off so much but I know that I had to do that for myself until I could be in a place of healing which my HP brought me to in his perfect timing! I have been giving my sisters and brother to God and I know that he is there right with them and I can let go of the "control" that I always thought I had. It truly is a beautiful thing and I feel 10x lighter.
__________________
It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
