The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Although I am content where I am, staying in one room at my parents is starting to get frusterating. There is no space to think, no room to move and living out of boxes isn't fun.
Meanwhile the exAH is living in our house with 3 bedrooms and lots of space. He has still locked me out and I'm only allowed supervised visits to pick things up. I've seen a lawyer, have to get forms etc all filled out and file with the courts. This is a long process and while this program has helped me with patience, I am growing rapidly impatient.
It seems the alcoloholic is selfish, it is all about them, they do not consider the needs of anyone else let alone a child to consider raising in stability and safety.
I guess I am just wanting to move forward, and I can' t do this financially while half of a mortgage payment is still coming out of my account.
They are beyond selfish. Before Al-Anon I never saw that. I was too busy trying to meet all of his needs and listening to him complain when I did not do things exactly how he wanted. All they think about is themself, what they want and what you should do for them. That is true whether they are drinking or dry. Sometimes they act considerate, but it is just an act. They are all about themselves. Be thankful you will be done with him. Ask HP for help.
I hear you That is the main reason I finally grasped alanon's idea of taking care of myself first. Focusing on my thoughts, my needs, each day was a unique experience. I found that the reason I felt so abandoned in my relationship is that I had abandoned myself in the idea that I should take care of the alcoholic and he would take care of me
That is not how it works I take care of me now and trust HP to take care of everyone else
This is hard for you. You are not alone. Believe it or not This too will pass
TLD, This sounds so hard for you. Thank goodness you have al-anon and this board to support you. Do you do f2f meetings and have a sponsor? It is so sad how selfish they are and how they just dont care about ANYTHING else but their next drink. I just found out a week ago my husband stole my tax refund money last yr. He lied and said we did not get any back, but we did. It hurts. I have to separate the addict from the person. Does not excuse it at all but now I know to set boundaries. I am having his accountant deposit it right into MY account this time.
-- Edited by Michelle814 on Saturday 25th of February 2012 11:38:46 AM
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now. You're right. It doesn't seem fair, and your feelings are totally understandable. If you have Courage to Change, I find reading the passages on resentment so helpful in lessening some of the stranglehold those feelings have on me sometimes. p.s. I think moving back home under any circumstance, let alone this one, is challenging. Easy does it! Sending you support on all fronts.
I understand where you are. I was there with y ex-husband. He is alcolic and coke addict. Trust me it will get better. My ex is i really great guy I gave him the option of get help or leave from our lives forever. he choseto leave forever. It is hard at first believe me i know. you are probally angry and frustrated. time does really heal. you will be even better and stronger than before. i am always here if you need someone. please take of you and your child. have faith that it will get better.
I am also out of my house...living in a rental house that i was lucky to find. My heart goes out to you ...I know how unfair and frustrating this is for you. But you made the best of what life gave you. I was under AH thumb and finally realized that I was his maid, therapist, and personal assistant...everything but a wife. I found this forum and a f2f meeting, and that helped. I heard someone at a meeting refer to her AH as a Little Napoleon.So true! I bent over backwards trying to ease life for him.. Now, i do my best to ease life for me.....even if that means turning the phone off so he can't call me with his problems. Hold on....sounds like you are doing everything right.
I just wanted to send you love and support, I can imagine that it's very frustrating and this to shall pass.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks everyone. This is so tiring and I'm doing ok taking care of myself and my daughter. If I could find the financial closure on this situation, I could move forward and I think this the worst part. I have no emotional ties left to the A, just financial. It's amazing how I am full of resentment, but using that resentment to move myself forward.
Thank goodness, for this group, all of you the f2f meetings. It's wonderful to have a place to go where people understand.
