The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is the 1st time I've acutally reached out and spoke- about the pain, frustration, and fear I've felt for years. My AH and I've been married 13yrs, two beautiful kids but the drinking has been the dark cloud hanging over us. The past year has by far been the best, only because I did quit trying to control the drinking and protecting him. His drinking almost cost him is career and was strongly encouraged to seek counseling, which he did attend AA. He became a totally different man, a man I could trust and fell in love with again. We actually spent time with each other and would laugh, really laugh. My son who is 11 enjoyed being around his father and no longer had the anxiety or fear of what would come with the weekends when the drinking would start. I never looked for treatment for me. The holidays came and with that came work parties, friends and drinking. I drank with him and had the rule only when the kids were not in the house, MY 1st mistake. I would not drink or go out if we had to come home to our children. My request when he started AA was that Alcohol would NOT be around my children again. This started the spin, since Thanksgiving my husband has wanted to drink for Christmas, New Years and now just because it's the weekend. Most recently I had to leave work in order to pick up my husband and make him go to sleep to try and sober up before he had to be at work. Of course, that did not work out and he ended up being sent home. As usual my kids, especially my son, knew what was going on and was terrified of what could happen. This sickend me. I do know not to push the subject when he has already been drinking. The next day we talked about it and he admitted he can't control the drinking, he has not been to AA for about 3 mos now, but that he would start back. This was Saturday, it's now Monday and he has been drinking before going to work and of course I confronted him and he denied it. I've told him I am going to start attending Al-anon for my on sanity. He told me that if he can get off work early tomorrow night he will attend his AA meeting and there is an Al-anon meeting in the next room. I told him I would ride with him. I'm praying and hoping this will work. He is a great man and many in our community have no idea. I've worked hard to keep it underwraps, so I think, but he is a different person after drinking.
You're doing the right thing by going to a meeting! Working on yourself is the best gift you can give your children. I made the same mistake of allowing us to drink again after 15 yrs of sobriety as I really didn't think my AH was truly an alcoholic. We quit drinking in our 20s and I just thought he was a heavy drinker because he was just out of college, etc. Yet, there was always this little voice that told me it was a bad idea to ever allow drinking again in our home. If you read my recent posts, you'll know we've had the crap hit the fan this past week and I am so glad that I have been going to Al Anon, it truly has saved my sanity!
You may feel like you let him drink, but I believe an alcoholic will with or without your consent. My exAH definitely tried to convince me it was okay and not going to rule the house after awhile of each of his dry times, but it always snuck back in. I know whether he does or not I am working on my self through Al-anon meetings and with my sponsor and showing my kids a whole new and improved me. It took me a looong time to see I only have control over me and my choices and HP is in charge of the big picture. I am so glad you decided to start local face to face Al-anon meetings, they have saved my life along with my sponsor! Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thank you for responding, it's scary and it's scary to let go of MY habits. I so wanted to tell him last night and already this morning that I know he's drinking again and I know he's going into work after drinking but I keep repeating Step 1 to myself and I've been asking for strength from my HP, with this I've been able to hold my tongue. Here I go, time to let go and let GOD.
I did not wait on my AH, he of course was not able to attend his AA meeting tonight. I felt like this would happen so I took the 1st step for me and my children. I went alone on my lunch hour to my 1st f2f meeting. What a relief to just be in a group of people who know exactly how I'm feeling and to know that I really am not crazy.
What an appropriate name for what you are doing and have started to do. Hope will grow because of it. Great post!! and you have alot of fellowship behind you now who know and know that they know what the disease is about and what we can and will do so that it doesn't take us down like it used to. Hope...so appropriate. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
