It's all ****ed up... (ESH needed) - Al-Anon Family Group

atheos · Senior Member

It's all ****ed up... (ESH needed)

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like your boss is someone you need Al-anon tools to deal with. I used to get run over at work until I stood up for myself one day, I meant what I said, I said what I meant and didn't say it mean. It did help that I set boundaries and didn't take anymore verbal berating and it was so worth it. You will know what is right for you. Sending you love and support!

Too hard · Senior Member

It certainly sounds as if you are feeling pain and hurt in your work situation.

Often a manager may be a bully or may believe they are 'helping' an employee by their abrupt and picky manner.

Either reason..... there is no way you can change their behaviour.

Think Serenity.

Accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom.

You say you would like to move on......make a plan.

Good Luck. T.H.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Atheos ..

Agreed you are not going to change someone else and have to figure out how to use your tools of recovery to best handle the situation. I think it was Usedto who said "hurt people hurt people" and that's something I've really put into play in my own life!! Seeing that other people hurt doesn't give them the right to do what they do .. at least though I came come at my own situation/s from a very different standpoint and not take what they do or don't do very personally. It's really not about me and this is where for me my own self worth comes into play.

QTIP is one of my fav sayings I have learned on this board. I say it often .. believe me and some of the stuff is very very hard not to take personally.

Sure you can always change jobs, locations, or the haircut of a relationship however I'm learning for myself .. the one headed dragon that I know how to deal with is better than a 4 headed dragon that might be waited.

Anyway, hugs and it really does get better. :) P :)

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

I practice every day at applying the tools I have learned in Al-Anon to my work life. Everyone's job is different, my job is very high stress. Thanks to Al-Anon, though, I am much able to not let the little things upset me. For instance if I hear gossip I stay out of it now even if people are gossiping about a person I am having problems with. I stay out!! I also remember that no one can make me go crazy, I let them make me go crazy. So I remember that "No one can take away my peace of mind unless I let them." I don't hand it over so easy anymore. I still have days I struggle. I work closely with a woman who often becomes angry if I don't get worked up over things like she does or if I disagree with her. I let it go. She is entitled to her opinion, as am I. I don't have to be right or prove my side of anything to her. Just because shes worked up, I dont have to be. When Im over stressed I put my ear buds in and listen to some Bob Marley for a couple minutes too. hahhaah. Sometimes I have to go to the bathroom and pray for five minutes. But thanks to Al-Anon I am not always in that fight or flight mode like I used to be before. Its not worth it to be that stressed over work. My main purpose in life now is to have a happy existence and keep concious contact with my HP.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

No job is worth going crazy over. At some point, if it gets bad enough you are going to need to take action. I had the same situation and wound up firing off at my boss and getting suspended from work without pay for 2 weeks. That forced me to do some things that were necessary that I'd not done. I blasted out 20 resumes to other jobs, went on interviews, and wrote an 11 page grievance letter chock full of all the horrible things my boss would do and say and I submitted it to corporate. Anyhow, they had me come back to work and tried to iron the situation out, but by then I'd found a higher paying job without an evil boss that destroyed my serenity daily. I heard the evil biatch boss got fired 2 months ago for crap that I described in my grievance against her. Evidently one too many people finally had written or said the same things...

Like I said - Always remember it's not worth ruining your life over a job as important as it is to have one.....and utilize the avenues open to you for other opportunities.

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

I had a job similar to what you describe, it was the job before my current full time position. I said many many many prayers for another opportunity to become available. The job situation was not good, and yet at just the right time my friend told me of an opportunity with her company.

I submitted my resume. Had a phone interview a week later. A week after that I had a face to face interview. A week after that they made me a wonderful offer!

Sending you hugs and support it will get better!!!!

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

I work for a boss right now who is really unfair. I can relate so much. I think what al anon does is to teach us emotional intelligence. What's wrong with looking? Looking does not mean commiting to another job.

For me the way through an unbearable situation is to take action. Some people are never happy. Right now the current boss I have would never be satisifed with my performance. She wants another staff member to have all the hours (they dont' have the stats, experience or ratings I do). There are times when I feel left out, abandoned and mad. There are other times when I oculd put it in perspective. There are other jobs, admittedly hard to find but there are other options.

So much of the reason I stayed with the ex A was that I didn't want to take the actions necessary to leave. I stayed and stayed and stayed. I did not see that I had choices. Now I do.

If someone is mean, nasty and unfair to me my loyalty is not a given.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.