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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I will read but not post for a while
Post Info TOPIC: I will read but not post for a while
Lindaoakford


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I will read but not post for a while
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HI guys

I have been on these boards for about 7 months now.  That is a really short time.  It has helped me alot but I fear it is becoming SUCH a part of my life that I spend hours here.  Every day of the week I am here.  I spend hours here when I am at work and don't get things done at work.

I have shared much of my journey here.  I received a lovely private message from a person that obviously cares about my welfare and it opened my eyes to a bit more about myself.

As I have said here, I am working on myself.  one of the things I am working on is my Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is a bit ironic that one of the signs of my BPD is the cry for help and the overdisclosure of information.  My eyes have been opened and I will cut and paste here the symptoms of the disorder that I identify with

Akin to angry acting out is the tendency for those with Borderline Personality Disorder to over disclose about negative emotional states and thoughts. When symptoms are intensified some use social media sites to state their self-destructive thoughts and tendencies and attempt to solicit support and intimacy from their online friends. Such an episode can be distressing to others involved, even alarming, and amount to a form of emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation of the others involved

"The use of social media sites such as Facebook and MySpace are increasing problematic for many users. The nature of the sites, our access to them via many devices (PCs, laptops, iPads, cellphone browsers, text messaging and email) are conducive to obsessiveness and compulsive use. Additionally, these sites offer a theoretically unlimited social access to an unlimited number of people. For individuals who have conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder, social media site use may pose particular challenges."

I know this is not a social media site, but it does have similar qualities to the type of interactions.

The tendency to impulsively enter relationships can lead to disclosure of personal information that jeopardizes physical safety, but also emotional and psychological safety can be jeopardized with quick involvements. The deeply felt need for love and approval can foster a fantasy of rescue from loneliness and lead to an unfounded belief, for example, that true love has been found. Judgment about relationships and intimacy can be further compromised by the anonymity of social media sites and the ability of others to manipulate interactions

I feel I have become too intense.  Shared way too much in a short time and I am doing this to play into my own disorder without even realising it.

I am here for recovery and I will get recovery.  I must work on these aspects of self.  I have become too reliant on this site and shared way too much. 

I am not going anywhere though.... I will be here reading, appreciating, learning but I will be limiting my responses and posts.

I hope you all understand.  Thanks and I really appreciate the opportunity to grow more.

 



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Linda - a work in progress
Breakingfree


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I could relate to your share, at the same time as I have grown in my Al-anon program I have cut down on the personal shares and gotten more into current issues as they present difficulty for me. I am glad you are working on yourself, just be careful not to cut off support when you might need it. I fight isolating myself and as this place is anonymous I can always come here and feel support! I hope this is your own discovery and not from anyone else either. I used to believe people when they would tell me things about myself and later I would look back and see they were only human also with human ideas and opinions. You will know what is right for you. Sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Mattie


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If you feel you want to share less for the future that is certainly taking care of yourself.  None of us should do anything that doesn't feel right to us.  I do think there is a difference between sharing too much in general (like people you meet on the bus who tell you all their intimate problems) and being open about our challenges in places designed to help us weather them.  However, this is a public forum so I guess we should all be careful not to expose ourselves beyond our comfort zone.  I've learned a lot from your sharing and am glad you'll still be with us even if not posting as much.



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Lindaoakford


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Thanks
Its is certainly in the aim of recovery and I think it will be a good thing


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Linda - a work in progress
danni


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I love your committment to continuing insight and recovery. Sending you support on your journey!

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Michelle814


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Just remember to pray for guidance on issues that are difficult. We are all just human. I have made mistakes just as everyone else has. Please, do not be hard on yourself. Some of your shares have been very eye opening to me but I do see what you say so you must do what is best for you. You are a very appreciated member to this board and I would hate to never see you post again, Linda. You are a work in progress, as we all are. We are all on our own path of recovery. I just hope you do not scare away from posting because someone brought this to your attention, that may or may not be true of your disorder. Sometimes some control issues come through on this board... and I think, at times, we forget that no one is in charge. I hope you bring this up and talk about it with your sponsor as well as your psychologist. Keep working on you, okay. We care about you!!!

Tradition 2:
For our group purpose there is but one authoritya loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servantsthey do not govern.




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Michelle!

No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
pinkchip


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I think it's good to take breaks from things and gain perspective. I have said it before though...I don't see you as BPD. Yes you are emotional, but you are not quasipsychotic and none of your posts have been all super drama filled. A good portion have been spreading the message of recovery. Boundaries are an issue for me too I guess. I tend to try and be very transparent and it works in my favor sometimes and against me at other times.

Also Linda, when we are at our lowest, it is pretty normal and a good thing to ask for support. When we heal up, we tend to put a few walls back up and reclaim our privacy a bit. When I first came into the program, my dirty laundry was so visable to everyone cuz I would talk about anything to anyone. It's a bit different now but I am still pretty open for the most part. Just don't forget that asking for help at times is a good thing and it is part of self-care.

You obviously know you are so much more than a label (even if you are the highest functioning borderline I have encountered LOL).

In support,

Mark

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Lindaoakford


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Thanks guys
It is not the recovery stuff that is my concern at the moment

It is the personal information. I guess a better word would be the demographics.

I am not shamed, I am not upset, I am not never going to post ever again. I don't feel I am putting up walls and I will still be here every day.
I am not going to post much just for a while, in order to get some perspective.

Pinkchip, I agree wiht you regarding the BPD. In my opinion, 10 years ago... and sometimes now in my own head.... I am in full force.... I can really see thd BPD... I think of myself as a BPD in recovery. I have been medicated in the past, I have now been to 4 counsellors myself.. and I think I learned a hell of a lot through my own career as a counsellor. That is almost doing self counselling now isn't it. So in reality, if you take that into account, I have been in counselling for 6 years. AT some point in recovery, the symptoms that are obvious to others int eh discomfort of my life dissipate.
Man honestly.... just like you... you shoulda seen me before!!!!!


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Linda - a work in progress
pinkchip


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True true...In grad school in clinical psych we used to just sit around diagnosing each other and our professors. The professors did the same to us. The whole process was so hurtful that it makes me reluctant to have people diagnose themselves and I am along the lines that personality disorders should really be kept to the treating clinicians for purposes of writing notes and talking to other professionals cuz they sure never helped me. In fact, they hurt me immensely.

The only time labels helped me was when I labeled myself gay and when I labeled myself alchoholic because those were 2 things that were true to me and that I had to learn to live with. Getting off topic though and this thread is not about me (go figure). I am glad you will still be around though.

Mark

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