I know that people have been tremendously helped through the meetings of Al-Anon.   I don't doubt their success. I have gone to quite a few meetings over the last few years, however, I feel lousy when I leave.  I kept pursuing them thinking the dynamics change and people attending change, however, in my case, hearing the problems of others only made me feel more anxiety.  Worse case scenarios really got to me.  I never bonded with anyone nor had a sponsor.  I kept going trying to make it work.  It never did.  I finally did some one on one counseling and that helped me most.  I guess I'm not a group person. It didn't work for me but I always wanted it to because I believe it would help me deal with the loneliness of the disease.

I had the same or similar experience with group things. First I'm an only child so it's all about me .. lol. I found I did better in one on one counseling, .. what I'm finding is I have to learn to share. This is a character defect for me. Yes, .. playground rules apparently only apply to others. I also used it as a way to isolate where I didn't have to open myself to others. What I am learning about myself is I've been walking around with a DO NOT DISTURB sign attached to my back and every building I enter.

I hear that you are internalizing other people's issues. That's not about you that's about them. If I am out of turn I apologize I don't know how to put that in program words.

Maybe it's a good opportunity to look at why it is that you are not able to do the group thing because as a human being it is more natural to want to do group things than not. There is usually something about me when I tend to push people away vs inviting them in. I don't know if that makes sense or not?

Yes, as I have learned to work within a group, .. my way is not always the right way, .. it helps me to hear other people and their perspectives, plus at some point i have to learn to make it about other people instead of just me. It's benefited me a great deal though and I don't think I would have made the strides this past year that I have without learning and taking emotional risks within a group setting. Now they say try 6 meetings .. literally it was much longer for me and I have heard others have had the same experience that way. It's important to be consistent as well. That means .. going to one meeting and 3 months later going to another one doesn't count .. every week AND I had to go to ever single meeting in town each week for about 3 weeks before I went ok .. I can do this. I found another meeting I attend religiously and that is where I found my sponsor.

Keep coming back and keep taking those risks. They are worth it.

Take what you like, hugs p :)

I, too, didn't feel better after leaving the meetings in the beginning, but I kept coming back because I was so desparate and devestated. In time, I realized that my feelings upon leaving were more about how guarded I had become and unable to connect or bond with the members due to my own defenses. I started, gradually, to let my guard down, connect more and more on a personal level with certain people who I started to feel comfortable with, and began my real road to recovery. I now find the personal connections so heart warming and rich. I feel so much for the newcomers, because I know too well how hard it is in the beginning, and I pray that they will stay with it and give it a chance, because I want so much for them what I have gotten from the meetings. Our problems didn't appear over night, and the soutions don't either, but I cannot stress enough how grateful I am that I stuck with it. Only you can know what is best for you. I am just sharing my experience, and I send you so much support on wherever your journey takes you.