"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

emmyboo2 · Newbie

Feeling a little bad

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

My wise old sponsor used to share this gem:

It is neither good nor bad, it simply IS

For me, I got to low points where I hoped for bad things to happen to my ex-AW.... I wanted her to get a DUI.... I even started dreaming of even more substantial things - like hoping she would die (and thus leave us all in peace, etc). I used to feel a lot of shame over these feelings - until I saw them written in print - in the GTS books and elsewhere.... The devastating effects of alcoholism/addiction take us to places like that, and it is pretty common....

One of the most basic tenets of Al-Anon in particular, and recovery in general, is that we have every right to feel as we feel.

Take care

Tom

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

I can't really say if its bad or not bad

what I can say is that I think it is a common reaction for those of us that want our partners to feel the consequences of the drinking, just like we feel the consequences.

I sometimes want my husband to get a urine drug screen so it can be brought out and all that. For me, when I think that, I know I am trying to control the situation again.

I am taking it back on and not handing it over to my HP when I start to wish for consequences. Its not up to me to decide what happens to him when. It is up to me to set my own boundaries with his using. Whatever happens, they are his consequences.

If you feel this wish for him may be negative, then negative thinking may not be the most healthy approach for ourselves. Detach from the outcome may be a more healthier way to think about it.

So.. is it bad? I dunno exactly, but I bet it doesn't feel nice. Give the decision to your HP and that will allow you to concentrate on looking after yourself during this stressful time.

Take what you like and leave the rest....

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi there, I don't think its bad you want someone to receive consequences for their actions. I wish my exAH was as accountable for himself as he held me accountable for everything I did wrong. Sending you love and support!

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh gosh, I'm sitting here thinking right now that I want my AH to get pulled over and get a DUI hoping it will wake him up to the serious problem he has with binge drinking. He's been out for almost an hour just 'dropping something off somewhere'. UGH! yeah, whatever!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

We have no control over the outcome anyway. Plus I do agree with breaking free, people need to be accountable for their choices.

I guess I am more concerned about you. As in Al Anon we learn their actions their choices are their own.

Believe me I hear all the time about this bottom, but most A's I know say that really does not mean anything.

Just because they hit their bottom still does not mean they will be able to go into recovery. Plus some people's time to quit is death.

It is very concerning when they drive when using. For me if I can stop that with no hassles I will do it. I mean making it impossible for him or her to drive. But that is not anything to do with Al Anon. Once you see that your friend killed three kids out of four in a drunk driving accident, your ideas change.

It does put us in a rather strange position sometimes. We have thoughts that are not what others would understand.

I don't want my ex AH to die, but yet I want him to find relief in death because he is in so much pain and is so brain damaged. He is no longer here anyway.

But thank goodness it is not our call huh?

So I invite you to do something YOU can get into, to enjoy,learn or just to find some peace. meeting?? smile.

hugs,debilyn

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

My husband once said "addicts' bottoms can drop lower and lower." A DUI could be his... or not...whos to say? If an addict is not ready he is not ready and NOTHING you do or hope for or drive yourself crazy wondering if its right or wrong to wish for.. will make it happen. That being said ... bailing him out is enabling and he should be free to make his own choices, right or wrong, and reap the rewards or consequences for those actions. When others get in the way and put band-aids on it or sweep things under the rug he doesnt get to hit his low, wherever that is. As for your sanity, though, you are powerless. This is in his HP's hands. I suggest you try doing something nice for yourself and focusing on your own recovery, go to a meeting, and talk with someone whose serenity is appealing afterwards. Have you in my prayers. (((HUG)))

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"