The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got into a "discussion" on facebook today with a person who was posting hate posts about Whitney Houston and how we were giving her more attention than she deserved. This person was pointing out how we as a country needed to get our priorites straight and value and recognize our fallen soldiers and children that were starving around the world. She was posting pics of starving children and pics of our soldiers. I just made a comment that I agreed with her that more attention should be given to our fallen soldiers and starving children, but that drug addiction was a disease (this woman is a counselor, btw) and we should have more compassion for Whitney. Statements were even made (by this counselor person) that Whitney's daughter was going to follow in her mother's footsteps if she kept on the track that she was on. I pointed out that children of alcoholic parents are just as likely to become co-dependents as they are addicts, and that since she wasn't God, she shouldn't say which it would be. Also from the news reports that I had read, the daughter's hospital admission had to do with anxiety, which is understandable under the circumstances.
I guess the reason that I am sharing this here, is to express my outrage (in a safe environment) that a counselor could have such a warped view of addiction. Since there were so many who could possibly view her opinions as FACT, since she is a counselor, I thought it only fair to point out a different point of view, which of course I got attacked for. I (thanks to al-anon training) was able to remain civil and not reply tit for tat, but I did offer sound opinions and tried to share only e,s, & h. I am just hoping by not responding to hers (and others) negative comments, others will see the objectiveness in my comments.
Just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Good for you (((Overcome))) for me it's a growth experience to speak out my awareness and understanding and then continue to be open minded. Of course I was taught that it would be better for me to do such without any expectations that I would be verified and/or blessed by the other person(s). Not everyone has the understanding and growth of a Family Group member.
Maybe your share will help her to be more open minded.
I understand people are angry at Whitney Houston and other celebs because we have such high expectations of our heroe's. We dont see them as humans with frailties and flaws , the public expects them to be perfect and they end up in judgement. Then we have the media whose attitude is entitlement. Where they report every aspect of these celebrities life. Everyone has an opinion, but unless you have lived or dealt with an addict nobody will every understand.
Also addicts do have the disease but they always have the option to abstain, nobody else can do that for them. Its called responsibility and I think thats where everyone has the problem with addicts. We cannot understand what appears to be a blatant disregard for their own life. We have already lost so many lives, celebs and people from every walk of life. All we can do is live our lives as examples and not judge and hope we can be a kind influence over those who still continue to fight their demons. Stay with Alanon you are on the right path.
I've been hearing blips regarding this topic. It's hard for people to understand that addiction is a disease. We can't shake everyone and make them understand, no matter how much you might have desired to reach through your computer and do that to this individual.
Knowing what I know now, I accept that it's a disease. It took personal experience, and Al-Anon for me to reach this point of accepting it as a disease.
As long as you are able to detach from the hurtful, negative retaliative comments hopefully by sharing information someone will read and take away that it is a disease.
I think they may get miffed because people are acting like she is a fallen soldier who died with some great honor. I could see some people, counselors even, getting it in their mind that the martyrdom of drug overdosing celebs is not a good thing - which it is not....but there are better ways to make that point.
Many people get into counseling because they want to understand the world. They also want to judge it and exercise control over it. It's been a journey for me to learn to be less judgmental. Even the time I spent on this board has helped me in that regard.
To many counselor do make themself self-appointed experts on things and I have fallen into that trap myself. Just remember that this counselor lady can have her own whack opinion and views and it really won't make much difference. It didn't affect your perceptions did it?
Thanks for all your comments. Pinkchip, no it didn't affect my perceptions of the disease, and I do have to remember how hard it was when I first came into the program to wrap my mind around the fact that Alcoholism is a disease, even a "family disease".
I did see some growth in myself though, because I was able to express an opinion and not react to the other's negative comments, even have a little empathy for them in their ignorance of the situation. I would never have been able to do that before al-anon.
I also have to remember that counselor's often get into the profession because of their co-dependent nature, and wanting to "help" (i.e. control) people. And of course they are oblivious to this. I first realized this when I was going to a ACOA meeting and had a counselor that was in the group because of her dad's alcoholism, share that she didn't really understand what she had learned in school, until she got in a 12-step program and worked it! She was one of the lucky ones.
It's all a matter of perspective and acceptance, I guess.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I did not understand addiction or alcoholism until Al-Anon and living it, seeing my husband deteriorate, etc. It's hard because knowing what I know now I have so much compassion for addicts and alcoholics and at the same time its the enabling that our society takes part in that actually helps them continue on their paths of destruction. Education is a powerful thing but I would not know now what I know if I had not hit my emotional rock bottom and came crawling crying into Al-Anon. My HP got to me the best way he knew how because now I don't have to save the world or change people's mind to see.. IM RIGHT, SEE, SEE, ME, IM RIGGHT!!!! I was one of those people who tried to control others' views and I am also in social work. Hahahahaha. I can live and let live now and though at times I struggle and I want to shake people. I know the problems are much bigger than I am. so i sip my coffee, shut my eyes, and hand them over to God. I can't, he can, I think I will let Him. When people around me make judgemetal commenst about addicts, and it happens very often in my field, which is sad... I tend to say something like "I feel alot of compassion for him because he is clearly not well." Or something of those sorts reminding people that addiction IS a disease. I don't get into heated debates because they have the blinders up, just like I used to. I see it all clearer now, a blessing or a curse? I guess its a blessing, but it does frustrate me at times. I am thinking of changing professions. Hahahahahah
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I too saw several comments that I thought were uncalled for. I didn't reply to them but my thought was that she was not her disease. IF that is what caused her death it doesn't negate the gift of voice she had and shared.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
My husband just talked about this yesterday to me. He was very offended by some people's comments because he is an addict. so sad how uneducated people are.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I guess what has changed for me around things like Whitney Houston dying is that I know its a huge trigger for me. My younger sister is an alcoholic looks much like she has liver damage and is probably going to go the way Whitney has accidentally of course. I have known many an addict who died and many of them weren't actively suicidal they just misjudged how much they were using and doing.
For me the trigger always was of course that I wanted to save my sister and save the world in turn. I have learned that isn't in my power and saving my own life is a pretty time consuming task in itself. At the same time for my own sanity I have to have some detachment around the disease of alcoholism.
I was one who was very quick to judge rule and sentence. Now I take a back seat on such discussions because I know the triggers are still there for me. I now expect ignorance around subjects like child abuse, alcoholism and addiction. I have to limit and take care of myself around such subjects not because I don't care about them but because they are so very loaded for me. I have to have patience, tact and diplomacy when I am dealing with people around them and that takes discipline, self care and self trust. I have to work to get to that point of having them.
I can't say I am shocked by people's ignorance, sentimentality and rush to judgment. I know all of those very very well. What's so very key for me is how much energy I invest in dicussions, what my expectations are and where I can put my own grief, anger and feelings about one more unnecessary death.
Well, from you comments it seems you did a good job expressing your views without criticizing hers.
I also think some people - "authorities" within the helping professions can have some rather surprising viewpoints and be selectively compassionate and prejudiced. Maybe what's driving them is just ego - edging God out. There are of course some wonderful people who work ethically and compassionately to help emotionally and physically heal.
The only true authority is a loving god. Definately an "expert" at giving unconditional love and guidance. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 19th of February 2012 11:05:21 PM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Don't quit your profession! We need people like you in social work and counseling who understand addiction and can stand back from situations and not judge them. I have had a few of these in my lifetime, and now I can almost tell the ones that do from the ones that don't within two sessions. Al-anon has helped me do that. One of the biggest questions that weed out the ones that don't is by asking, "What do you think of Al-anon?" If they respond by saying they think it is a bunch of woman sitting around co-miserating about their alcoholic husbands (which I actually had a counselor say to me once) then I write them off.
We need more like you, keep up the good work!
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
